Eight Months

Hit play to hear what i hear in my head every time i write one of these letters...

Dear Chewie,

Normally, when i start one of these letters to you i think to myself, "Wow, i can't believe how fast that month was!" Not this time, and it was even February - the shortest month of all... it seemed like forever.

February brought us nothing but a whole truck load of tears. Well, to be fair, it was really only the last two weeks that were awful, it feels like you've been sick forever. First the crazy vomit/poop day after you swallowed the pool water on Family Day, then this whole teething + virus + trip to the clinic + trip to the Emergency Room fiasco of the last week, which we've spent cuddling on the couch everyday because that's the only way you'll sleep. The only good thing i have to say about this last week is that you have FINALLY CUT YOUR FIRST TOOTH!! Good Lord in Heaven, i thought it would never happen. Now if only you'd learn to nurse without chomping down, we'll be a-okay!

Mooom!!! Get me out of here!!!

But it hasn't been all bad, i am just still so close to the badness, it's still fresh in my mind.

You continue to grow, longer and longer each day. It's amazing to me that you're still so lean - you little bean sprout, you - as your father and i were both little tank babies. At your last weigh in a week ago, you were a solid 15 lbs 9oz., and looooong. I started marking your height on the door jamb of the downstairs bathroom. 26.5". As you continue to get longer, your sleepers get smaller and smaller lengthwise, but still so roomy widthwise.

i love your tiny little legs, so skinny and cute!

You have spent a lot of this month experimenting with your vocal range. What you're capable of, how loud you can scream, how high, how growly, how it sounds when you gargle spit in the back of your throat, how you can pierce mama's ear drums, and yes - i even heard, once, an actual laugh come out of you! Not just the smiley squeal, but a bona fide laugh, and what brought it on? Your dad, bonking you on the head with a rolled up newspaper. Weird. You also figured out how to cough, which - when you first started doing it - concerned me when i could hear you coughing... But then i saw you cough and look to see if i was watching... then that little smile would appear on your face.... "haha," you seemed to say, "I was just trickin'!" you little stinker!

Hi!! Hello!! Look at me! Hiiii!!!

It's interesting to watch the little facets of your personality develop, and watching you figure things out and grow and learn and develop. Quite amazing, actually. You still don't enjoy tummy time, but now that you've learned how to roll from your tummy to your back, it's as if you're saying to us: "HA!! i'll show YOU!". You have rolled from your back to your tummy once or twice, but it seemed that once you figured out you were on your stomach you decided enough of that!

Seriously, mom? more pictures?

This month you also grasped the concept of 'sitting' all by yourself, and now will quite happily sit on the floor and chew on your wet washcloth - the only thing that keeps your interest for more than a few seconds. I'm amazed at your posture, such a straight back. That's how we're supposed to do it.

Play dates are more fun as you are becoming more and more aware of your surroundings. You look at your friend, Little E, and reach out for her, always for the eye - not sure why. It's fun to watch you rolling around on the ground, reaching for each other, and squealing and making noise, whereas just a short while ago you would only look at each other and cry when the other cried.

This photo reminds me of that painting of the Farmer and his Wife, lol. Where's your pitchfork?

I'm looking forward to the next phase, which i'm assuming will be mobility. I also fear it, my house it not near ready for a mobile Chewie. And things i have to start thinking about, like going back to work and finding daycare are looming over me as my year of mat leave is slowly coming to a close. I don't want to have to go back to work, i love staying at home with you, but it's a reality i have to face. I just really have to savour what days we have left, and take advantage of the time we have together. And now that we're into March and the days are getting longer, hopefully we can get some mileage out of your stroller and get about the neighbourhood.

Every day is a new adventure.

Love you, Baby!
Mama.

getting my hate on for hospital emergency rooms

i hate Hospital Emergency Rooms.

Hate.

But, sometimes there comes a time in every mother's life where she has to buckle down and say "Y'know, this is not about me" and that time was last night. Chewie had been working on the same fever for over 2 days and i was getting concerned that he might be getting a tad dehydrated, and he was listless and not eating...and we could get the fever down with T ylen0l but as soon as it wore off his temperature would rise again. So, we packed him up and trekked him to the horsepiddle.

i really hate Emergency Rooms. Have i mentioned that? i have? hm.

Sitting in the ER, the Worry and Nerves were palpable, like a mist in the air and you couldn't help but walk through it. That shit gets in your hair and in your pores, on your clothes. As a person with an ALREADY over reactive stomach of nerves, it didn't take long before my insides were doing flip flops and spectacular high dives off an Olympic Standard Diving Board.

Not only that, but you can't help but sit and judge the state of every one's emergencies. Twisted ankles, heart attacks, stomach pain (guilty of that one just 2 short months ago)... and it's hard not to feel every one else's eyes on you thinking that your emergency couldn't be worse than theirs.

The thing with a sick infant, though, is that you tend to jump up the line. As we were waiting for the triage nurse to check Chewie's temperature, another family came in with a boy about 18 months who also had a fever. As the triage nurse said when she eventually did check Chewie's temp - after checking the other little boy (grrrrr, we were there first yadda yadda yadda) "It's the battle of the sick babies". Seriously? Then, as the thermometer beeped she said; "Okay, he wins" and we went from the waiting room, to the littler waiting room.

Inside the gates of ER we were greeted with a stench, like somebody shit their pants, and likely someone had. I don't think it's very easy to get rid of that smell. Maybe they could have attempted though, for our benefit, to spray a little Febreeze or light a match or something.

We were taken to the same watiting room that i was in the last time for my gallstones. weird huh?

After being assessed by a student with an awesome Taurus Tattoo on his left wrist, we waited, trying to keep Chewie awake for the doctor. He showed up eventually, a man in his sixties with his shirt unbuttoned, tie still tied tight, wearing jeans and dress shoes. He gave our son the once over and calmed our fears by telling us that it was nothing serious, but we were right to come in for an assessment after such a long fever.

We do have a Health Line that we can call in this province, and we did call there. After giving the nurse on the line our info, she terrified me by saying that she was trying to decide whether or not we should drive Chewie to the hospital or whether she should send an ambulance. It's so hard to tell over the phone, and they almost ALWAYS just tell you to go to the hospital.

We told this to the doctor, who reminded me of Johnny Fever from WKRP in Cincinnati, and he hearkened back to the days of Family Doctors, house calls, and Docs on Call. His opinion was that had there still been Docs on Call we mightn't have been sent in to the ER. Given the circumstances, a baby with a fever for a prolonged period of time could be a number of things, meningitis, or ear infections, or kidney problems. This particular time, the doc chalked it up to teething with a possible virus on top of that. With his immune system lowered from the teething it would be easy for him to catch a bug... and with him being 8 months, and a preemie at that, better to be safe than sorry.

I really hate Hospital Emergency Rooms. I hate the wait, i hate the stress, the worry, the wait, the eyes of other patients, the wait, the smell, the wait.... i really really hate them. but i'm glad we went in, because i knew i wouldn't be sleeping...i couldn't relax until i knew that he was going to be okay. I mean, what if he DID have something serious, and we waited and he got really sick?

My younger brother, Patrick, got really sick when he was a few months old, he had one of those seizures brought on by fever - and my mom told me that she just happened to go into his room. He was limp, and burning up. My mother screamed, my dad put him in a bath of cold water and shocked him awake. He was rushed to the hospital. Now, he has only partial vision in one of his eyes that may be a direct result from his high fever. With that constantly in the back of my head, you can't blame me for trying to be extra cautious with my son. can you?

We got home around 11:30 pm, and we put our exhausted little peanut to bed. He slept until about 5 this morning.

This morning Chewie seemed to be getting better. He ate some breakfast, but still needed to cuddle. as much as i love the cuddle time, i'm happy he's recovering.

sick baby

oh god, Chewie has been fighting a high fever all day. It started this morning when he woke up around 5. after feeding him, he just wouldn't go back to sleep, he just cried and cried. I would pick him up and he would fall almost instantly asleep in my arms, but the second i put him down he'd start up again.

so, in an effort to at least let ONE person in the household get some sleep, Chewie and i went downstairs and sat on the recliner, and sort of slept until about 8 when b-rad took over and i got some rest.

It wasn't until later in the day that b-rad pointed out that this really isn't like our son to be so cuddly and needy. While sleeping in my arms this afternoon - around 3, he started to really feel warm so i took him upstairs to check his temperature and it was 38.2C (taken at his armpit) so i immediately took all his clothes off and started wiping him down with a wet cloth. I called B-rad, who was out running a few errands, and he came home as soon as he could. I gave him some T ylen0l and it helped for a while.

B-rad and i have done nothing today except wipe our baby with a wet cloth, and i feel like i've done nothing but nurse all day.

it's heartbreaking to see him so uncomfortable, and just now when i was put on a mandatory leave of absence from the bedroom for the sake of my sanity, chewie lay there on the bed, weak and so tired, reaching for me crying. It was awful. i feel awful, like i've abandoned him somehow.

he wants, desperately, for me to hold him and rock him and nurse him, and i want those things too, but it doesn't take him very long to get warm again while sleeping on my chest.

we gave him more drugs a little while ago, so i think he's cooling off a bit. i hope so, poor little man desperately needs rest.

Ain't Life Grand!?

Today is a big day for this humble little Rockstar blog! i was nominated by Pierette at The Wiseman Conspiracy for the Life Is Grand Award! isn't she sweet? (go on over and check out her blog) It's the first award i've ever received over here, and it's such a great one too! what do i do? well, i tell y'all five reasons why life is grand (I know, only five?) and then nominate five other bloggers to do the same!

So, to start off:

Five grand reasons to be alive!!

1. My beautiful and brilliant baby boy, Chewie, who surprises me each day with something new and incredible.
2. My fabulous, incredibly sexy husband who is super supportive and is a f*cking GREAT daddy!
3. Living in Canada where free health care is available - and competant medical staff who helped bring my son into the world and keep him alive until he was able to do it by himself, and we didn't go broke after it all.
4. B-rad and I being able to afford a house and get into the real estate game when we did. It was such a great feeling to finally own a house - a great house, and be free from renting and landlords, and have that sense of respect and ownership. yeah. That we both have great jobs and that we're able to be able to afford a few nice things.
5. Since B-rad and i moved back home we've found ourselves with a great support system of parents, family, and friends who have been so great this past year.

And now, to nominate!

Surprised Suburban Wife
2 Pink Lines
The Cheeseblog
Latte Mommy
Darth Mommy

Sick Baby

Last night B-rad and i woke up to Chewie crying around 3 am. After waiting to see if he'd cry it out, we heard coughing so i went in to check on him. Poor little dude was lying there in his crib, crying, covered in puke. And not the sour-milk baby puke, but full on hard core regurgitated semi digested vomit. It made me want to cry, the poor little man. So, i called b-rad in and we took off little Chewie's jammies and tried to clean him up as best we could, and b-rad changed his bedding and got him a new blanket.

I sat with him in the rocking chair, and offered him some mom-milk, but he just lay there in my arms looking up at me with his big blue eyes and pouty lips. My heartstrings were being plucked one at a time. We sat in the chair together, he fell asleep right away, but kept waking up with fits of vomiting. i tried to bring him into our bed when my butt and legs fell asleep from the rocker, but that seemed to make it worse. I figured that he probably didn't like laying down, that it made the nausea worse.

So Chewie and I, with a little help from B-rad, got ourselves all set up in the recliner couch downstairs. I spent the entire night/morning holding him and rocking him and cleaning him up until he finally slept a bit.

He actually ate around 6:45 this morning and kept it down, and is napping happily upstairs. and now, i can't sleep. i'm going to go lay down again in a few minutes. i called around to my family to see if anyone else was showing signs of sickness, as we all went swimming yesterday as a family (for family day) and everyone appears to be fine, so i'm thinking that he probably swallowed some of the pool water and that's what was making his tummy upset.

we'll see how the rest of the day goes. .....if all goes well, we will be back on solid foods this afternoon and will be taking a bath to get the puke out of little dude's hair and ears.

motherhood.
it's beautiful.

The Pregnancy Thing

Here's a great questionnaire about how we became moms! If you have the time (haha), fill it copy it as a reply and fill it out so we can learn a little more about you!


1.HOW MANY CHILDREN DO YOU HAVE?
1

2. HOW OLD?
7 months

3. NAME(S):
For blogging purposes, Chewie.

4. WAS YOUR PREGNANCY PLANNED OR SURPISES?
planned i guess, we weren't TRYING but we weren't preventing either

5. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS?
I was nervous, my hands were shaking when i told b-rad who said when i showed him the test: "What does that mean?"

6. HOW OLD WERE YOU?
27 when i found out, 28 when he was born

7. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT?
See number 5, home pregnancy test. i was really really tired all the time, and I kept having dreams i was pregnant, or had just had a baby, so i took one of those Early pregnancy tests and it said Negative, but i kept thinking "But i feel like i'm pregnant". I was bummed. But then i took another one a few days later and it said Positive... We went to a doctor to be sure but he said "If the home test says you're pregnant, you are. you're more likely to get a false negative than a false positive"

8. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST?
Hm, i don't remember... i think it was either my sis-in-law Pam or my friend Jaimie.

9. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX?
I did, but B-rad didn't. So we waited.

10. DUE DATE -
August 28, 2008

11. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS?
No, i had one or two days where i felt a little bit of nausea when i would smell certain things, but other than that, i felt good.

12. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE?
i craved Apple Juice big time in the beginning, then it was club sandwhiches or really hardy multigrain breads. There was a brief stint of DQ blizzards and Coke Slurpees.

13. WHAT IRRITATED YOU?
having to pee a million times a day, and having to give up coffee.

14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING?
i didn't wish for either, but i dreamt that it was a girl - so i was pretty certain he was a girl up until he was born and b-rad said: "We have a son!"

15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN DURING PREGNANCY?
i don't know, cuz i didn't pay attention to my weight in the beginning, but probably 20-30 lbs... it would have been a lot more if i had gone full term.

16. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY?
No problems, except that he came 8 weeks early - due to a Urinary Tract Infection and being dehydrated. Even if you think you're drinking enough water on the hottest day of the summer, you probably aren't. lesson learned.

17. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH?
At RUH (Royal University Hospital).

18. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR?
i'm not sure how to figure that out, i started having back pain (what ended up being contractions) around 8pm and Chewie was born at just about 1pm the next day, so if we go from there 16 hours?

19. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL?
B-rad drove half the way (he had been awake for over 24 hours, and at the lake with a few drinks and was really really tired) so we stopped in SmallTown and picked up my Sister in Law, Pam, who drove us the rest of the way - keeping me calm while B-rad slept in the back seat. I told him "If i really am in labour, i need you awake and alert, so you need to get some sleep now!"

20. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH?
The original plan was to have Pam there to take pictures, but because it was such a panic/emergency, i opted to have no outside people in there (in case things didn't go well and he didn't end up being healthy) so it was just Me and B-rad, and our Doula - Sunava, and the OBGYN (because it was an emergency) and the Stupid Maternity Nurse Debbie, and then the NICU Staff waiting with in the back. Full house, huh?

21. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION?
Completely natural.

22. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN?
See #21 - nope, just a lot of breathing and groaning.

23. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH?
4lbs 11oz

24. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN?
July 5, 2008

25. DID YOU NAME THEM AFTER ANYONE?
yes, his middle name is to honour B-rad's childhood friend who passed away.

I choose to be a Non-Tagger, but if you wanna do this - feel free! it's a good no-brainer post fodder for this Monday Morning.

Cheers.

Seven Months

Dear Chewie,

What is there to report from the past month? Well, we’ve started you on solid foods which has been pretty fun for the most part, and you have already developed a pretty defined list of what you will and will not eat. Sweet Potatoes - Check, Peas - DOUBLE CHECK, Carrots - check, Egg - Check, Rice - check, Banana - CHECK, Apples - Check..... Broccoli - HELLLLS NO! In fact, when you registered what was actually in your mouth you made the sourest face and started spitting and crying and choking as if to say: “Get-it-out-get-it-out-get-it-out!!!” Even my attempts to hide the broccoli in peas was met with the same reaction and then you had enough wouldn’t eat anything more. So, we’re avoiding broccoli.... for NOW.... but we will try again.


After the broccoli fiasco, you are cautious with each spoonful of food i put in your mouth. You hold it in your mouth for a few seconds, making the face of disgust, until you realize that it’s Carrots, and you like carrots. Once you get going, you try to grab the spoon with both hands to “help” me guide the food into your open mouth. I am constantly surprised at how much you can and will eat in one sitting. Just when i think i’ve made you way too much food, you show me up and clean off the plate. With the realization that things that go into your mouth taste good, you’ve been tasting everything you can hold onto and bring to your mouth. Keys, water bottles, books, blankets, toys, shoes, anything. Oh what a world to discover.


What comes with solid food is, you guessed it, solid poop. Ah, yes, how the attitude toward bodily functions has changed in this household over the last seven months. Your dad and i find ourselves, quite regularly, cheering you on when you start to work one out - “that’s it! PUUUUUSH!!! Good for you baby!!!”. Your dad even went so far as to get you your crinkle book for you to read while you pooped. :) just like your papa.



Almost overnight, you took notice of the two fury creatures who co-habit our humble home. Suddenly mom and dad were no longer of interest, no no no! Not when you could look at Kozmo, or Cinda! How excited you get when they walk in the room. You squeal and laugh and practically vibrate with happiness. On the rare occasion where you have been able to touch one of the cats, usually Kozmo, we realize you are not the most gentle of beings. You are a poker, and a prodder, and a puller of ears and whiskers. Luckily, for you, Kozmo seems to be rather patient with you while you yank on his fur, he calmly looks up at us and appears to say that he’ll take exactly 3 more seconds of this before things get nasty. You have yet to be able to maul Cinda, mostly because she is far to skittish to let you anywhere near her for more than 1 second at a time.



My baby, this has been the month i have dubbed: “The Push Mommy’s Buttons and See How Far She’ll Go” month from hell. Not that any of it is really your fault, it just seems that this month in particular i feel like i’m nearing the edge a little bit each day. It seems like you have been working on that first tooth forever and we still have nothing to show for it but tears and sleepless nights. Thank the gods for children’s Tylenol and the homoeopathic teething tablets. If not for them, we might have put you in a basket and sent you down the river, just like Moses. But it’s been a combination of things, my cold, your daddy’s cold, your cold and your teeth, all piled on top of each other at the same time.



There came a point, this month, where i just decided that i couldn’t do the midnight awake times anymore. So, your father and i decided to just let you cry it out. Not that it really took all that long. A good solid 15-20 minutes and you were sleeping again, not waking again until morning. The next night there was one little squawk and you were good. So far out of the two weeks we’ve been doing this, you only woke up twice. Pretty darn good if you ask me. Maybe as a byproduct of that you have been settling into a more routine awake/sleep schedule. Good thing to, as it’s saving my sanity.



Your happy little sounds and gummy grin brighten each and every day, and if i could cuddle you, munch on your cheeks and kiss your round bald head for ever, it wouldn’t be long enough. Each and every day i am amazed at my capacity to love you. Utterly and fantastically amazed.

I will Love you Forever + one day,
your
Mamma