Tuesday, March 31, 2009

tuesday toot.

i signed up for a triathlon all by myself with no running buddy, even though i am terrified and stupidly shy, and i am horribly out of shape.
it's something i wanted to do, and even though it scares me - i'm doing it.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The Happy Nap.

ah, if only every naptime was as easy as this.

SOMEONE decided that it would be a good idea to be awake and ready to start the day at 5 am this morning, instead of the usual 7 am. Okay, so i wasn't ready.... and neither was B-rad, which leaves only one person... i'm looking at YOU Chewie.

Instead of getting up, i brought him into our bed to cuddle and nurse for a while, and then at about 6:30 he decided enough of that and started talking to himself, chattering, making cooing noises, grunting and growling... essentially telling us that if HE was awake, then by gum WE should be too.

So, we gave in and played together as a family in bed this morning. So very nice. Yes, a few more minutes of sleep would have been nice, but it was even more rewarding to see Chewie grabbing B-rad by the face and smiling and laughing.

The rest of the morning routine went pretty much the same. Fruit and rice cereal for breakfast, say bye bye to Daddy, more breakfast followed by his pablum cookie, which he devours every time. Usually i use his cookie eating time to read emails or catch up on facebook cuz he's quite content and occupied with the mess he's making.

Then after the cookie came the whiney-boy. Right on schedule. Yeah, i BET you're tired Mister I'mgoingtowakeupatfive. So clean up, and out of the high chair. Now comes the fight. The I'm Tired But I Don't Want You To Know Cuz I Don't Want To Go To Bed fight wherein he puts his head down on my shoulder for 3 seconds then sits straight up and is SUPER FASCINATED by the collar of my shirt until his head gets heavy and he puts it down again. Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

The upside to him being up so early this morning is that he was SUPER cuddly. He was pretty content to sit in my lap, snuggling, for a good 15-20 minutes. I figured i might as well keep him up for a bit more, hoping that he actually has a good morning nap (He's been waking up after an hour the last couple of days, usually he has a good 2 hour morning nap).

And when i finally took him to his room, i laid him down in his crib, and instead of the usual screaming and tears and WHY MOM WHY faces i usually get, he looked up at me and smiled his big gummy smile while i wrapped him up. i gave him his Maynard, and he hugged him close and again smiled at me.

When i turned off the light he was chattering to Maynard, probably telling him about how he tricked Mommy and Daddy into getting up early today. Little Turd.

He was out in about 3 minutes.

Hopefully he stays happy and cheerful for the rest of the day, we're going to Movies For Mommies today with Jaimie and Little E (to see Benjamin Button)... is that asking too much? Vote for my post The Happy Nap on Mom Blog Network

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


while reading, what was, a very intense passage of the book i was reading at the time... at the kitchen table.... suddenly the silence of reading mommy and cookie eating baby was shattered by what was a very long and very juicy fart.

i looked up at the darling face of my firstborn, who is covered in cookie goo from eyebrows to toenails... and i laugh like i haven't laughed in a long time.

best part? he thought it was just as funny and we had a good old laugh together.

ah, the memories.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Eight Months

Hit play to hear what i hear in my head every time i write one of these letters...

Dear Chewie,

Normally, when i start one of these letters to you i think to myself, "Wow, i can't believe how fast that month was!" Not this time, and it was even February - the shortest month of all... it seemed like forever.

February brought us nothing but a whole truck load of tears. Well, to be fair, it was really only the last two weeks that were awful, it feels like you've been sick forever. First the crazy vomit/poop day after you swallowed the pool water on Family Day, then this whole teething + virus + trip to the clinic + trip to the Emergency Room fiasco of the last week, which we've spent cuddling on the couch everyday because that's the only way you'll sleep. The only good thing i have to say about this last week is that you have FINALLY CUT YOUR FIRST TOOTH!! Good Lord in Heaven, i thought it would never happen. Now if only you'd learn to nurse without chomping down, we'll be a-okay!

Mooom!!! Get me out of here!!!

But it hasn't been all bad, i am just still so close to the badness, it's still fresh in my mind.

You continue to grow, longer and longer each day. It's amazing to me that you're still so lean - you little bean sprout, you - as your father and i were both little tank babies. At your last weigh in a week ago, you were a solid 15 lbs 9oz., and looooong. I started marking your height on the door jamb of the downstairs bathroom. 26.5". As you continue to get longer, your sleepers get smaller and smaller lengthwise, but still so roomy widthwise.

i love your tiny little legs, so skinny and cute!
You have spent a lot of this month experimenting with your vocal range. What you're capable of, how loud you can scream, how high, how growly, how it sounds when you gargle spit in the back of your throat, how you can pierce mama's ear drums, and yes - i even heard, once, an actual laugh come out of you! Not just the smiley squeal, but a bona fide laugh, and what brought it on? Your dad, bonking you on the head with a rolled up newspaper. Weird. You also figured out how to cough, which - when you first started doing it - concerned me when i could hear you coughing... But then i saw you cough and look to see if i was watching... then that little smile would appear on your face.... "haha," you seemed to say, "I was just trickin'!" you little stinker!

Hi!! Hello!! Look at me! Hiiii!!!

It's interesting to watch the little facets of your personality develop, and watching you figure things out and grow and learn and develop. Quite amazing, actually. You still don't enjoy tummy time, but now that you've learned how to roll from your tummy to your back, it's as if you're saying to us: "HA!! i'll show YOU!". You have rolled from your back to your tummy once or twice, but it seemed that once you figured out you were on your stomach you decided enough of that!

Seriously, mom? more pictures?

This month you also grasped the concept of 'sitting' all by yourself, and now will quite happily sit on the floor and chew on your wet washcloth - the only thing that keeps your interest for more than a few seconds. I'm amazed at your posture, such a straight back. That's how we're supposed to do it.

Play dates are more fun as you are becoming more and more aware of your surroundings. You look at your friend, Little E, and reach out for her, always for the eye - not sure why. It's fun to watch you rolling around on the ground, reaching for each other, and squealing and making noise, whereas just a short while ago you would only look at each other and cry when the other cried.

This photo reminds me of that painting of the Farmer and his Wife, lol. Where's your pitchfork?

I'm looking forward to the next phase, which i'm assuming will be mobility. I also fear it, my house it not near ready for a mobile Chewie. And things i have to start thinking about, like going back to work and finding daycare are looming over me as my year of mat leave is slowly coming to a close. I don't want to have to go back to work, i love staying at home with you, but it's a reality i have to face. I just really have to savour what days we have left, and take advantage of the time we have together. And now that we're into March and the days are getting longer, hopefully we can get some mileage out of your stroller and get about the neighbourhood.

Every day is a new adventure.

Love you, Baby!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

getting my hate on for hospital emergency rooms

i hate Hospital Emergency Rooms.


But, sometimes there comes a time in every mother's life where she has to buckle down and say "Y'know, this is not about me" and that time was last night. Chewie had been working on the same fever for over 2 days and i was getting concerned that he might be getting a tad dehydrated, and he was listless and not eating...and we could get the fever down with T ylen0l but as soon as it wore off his temperature would rise again. So, we packed him up and trekked him to the horsepiddle.

i really hate Emergency Rooms. Have i mentioned that? i have? hm.

Sitting in the ER, the Worry and Nerves were palpable, like a mist in the air and you couldn't help but walk through it. That shit gets in your hair and in your pores, on your clothes. As a person with an ALREADY over reactive stomach of nerves, it didn't take long before my insides were doing flip flops and spectacular high dives off an Olympic Standard Diving Board.

Not only that, but you can't help but sit and judge the state of every one's emergencies. Twisted ankles, heart attacks, stomach pain (guilty of that one just 2 short months ago)... and it's hard not to feel every one else's eyes on you thinking that your emergency couldn't be worse than theirs.

The thing with a sick infant, though, is that you tend to jump up the line. As we were waiting for the triage nurse to check Chewie's temperature, another family came in with a boy about 18 months who also had a fever. As the triage nurse said when she eventually did check Chewie's temp - after checking the other little boy (grrrrr, we were there first yadda yadda yadda) "It's the battle of the sick babies". Seriously? Then, as the thermometer beeped she said; "Okay, he wins" and we went from the waiting room, to the littler waiting room.

Inside the gates of ER we were greeted with a stench, like somebody shit their pants, and likely someone had. I don't think it's very easy to get rid of that smell. Maybe they could have attempted though, for our benefit, to spray a little Febreeze or light a match or something.

We were taken to the same watiting room that i was in the last time for my gallstones. weird huh?

After being assessed by a student with an awesome Taurus Tattoo on his left wrist, we waited, trying to keep Chewie awake for the doctor. He showed up eventually, a man in his sixties with his shirt unbuttoned, tie still tied tight, wearing jeans and dress shoes. He gave our son the once over and calmed our fears by telling us that it was nothing serious, but we were right to come in for an assessment after such a long fever.

We do have a Health Line that we can call in this province, and we did call there. After giving the nurse on the line our info, she terrified me by saying that she was trying to decide whether or not we should drive Chewie to the hospital or whether she should send an ambulance. It's so hard to tell over the phone, and they almost ALWAYS just tell you to go to the hospital.

We told this to the doctor, who reminded me of Johnny Fever from WKRP in Cincinnati, and he hearkened back to the days of Family Doctors, house calls, and Docs on Call. His opinion was that had there still been Docs on Call we mightn't have been sent in to the ER. Given the circumstances, a baby with a fever for a prolonged period of time could be a number of things, meningitis, or ear infections, or kidney problems. This particular time, the doc chalked it up to teething with a possible virus on top of that. With his immune system lowered from the teething it would be easy for him to catch a bug... and with him being 8 months, and a preemie at that, better to be safe than sorry.

I really hate Hospital Emergency Rooms. I hate the wait, i hate the stress, the worry, the wait, the eyes of other patients, the wait, the smell, the wait.... i really really hate them. but i'm glad we went in, because i knew i wouldn't be sleeping...i couldn't relax until i knew that he was going to be okay. I mean, what if he DID have something serious, and we waited and he got really sick?

My younger brother, Patrick, got really sick when he was a few months old, he had one of those seizures brought on by fever - and my mom told me that she just happened to go into his room. He was limp, and burning up. My mother screamed, my dad put him in a bath of cold water and shocked him awake. He was rushed to the hospital. Now, he has only partial vision in one of his eyes that may be a direct result from his high fever. With that constantly in the back of my head, you can't blame me for trying to be extra cautious with my son. can you?

We got home around 11:30 pm, and we put our exhausted little peanut to bed. He slept until about 5 this morning.

This morning Chewie seemed to be getting better. He ate some breakfast, but still needed to cuddle. as much as i love the cuddle time, i'm happy he's recovering.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

sick baby

oh god, Chewie has been fighting a high fever all day. It started this morning when he woke up around 5. after feeding him, he just wouldn't go back to sleep, he just cried and cried. I would pick him up and he would fall almost instantly asleep in my arms, but the second i put him down he'd start up again.

so, in an effort to at least let ONE person in the household get some sleep, Chewie and i went downstairs and sat on the recliner, and sort of slept until about 8 when b-rad took over and i got some rest.

It wasn't until later in the day that b-rad pointed out that this really isn't like our son to be so cuddly and needy. While sleeping in my arms this afternoon - around 3, he started to really feel warm so i took him upstairs to check his temperature and it was 38.2C (taken at his armpit) so i immediately took all his clothes off and started wiping him down with a wet cloth. I called B-rad, who was out running a few errands, and he came home as soon as he could. I gave him some T ylen0l and it helped for a while.

B-rad and i have done nothing today except wipe our baby with a wet cloth, and i feel like i've done nothing but nurse all day.

it's heartbreaking to see him so uncomfortable, and just now when i was put on a mandatory leave of absence from the bedroom for the sake of my sanity, chewie lay there on the bed, weak and so tired, reaching for me crying. It was awful. i feel awful, like i've abandoned him somehow.

he wants, desperately, for me to hold him and rock him and nurse him, and i want those things too, but it doesn't take him very long to get warm again while sleeping on my chest.

we gave him more drugs a little while ago, so i think he's cooling off a bit. i hope so, poor little man desperately needs rest.
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