Day #95

Dear Chewie,

Your cousins came over yesterday while your Auntie and Uncle played ball.
I hope all become friends. I always wished i had cousins my age to play with, but we were the oldest ones. Stuck between the Little Cousins and the Adults.

I'm happy you'll have playmates at family functions.

Love Mama

Info on Links

I just wanted to take this moment to give you a quick blurb about the links in my sidebar.

The more i learn about birth, the more i feel i need to pass on this information! i think about what a completely different experience this pregnancy would be if i didn't have it.

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER

and the more you know, the better informed your decisions will be.

Baby Led Breastfeeding
This site is where you can purchase Dr. Christina M. Smillie, MD's DVD about her work with breast feeding.
From the site:

In Baby-Led Breastfeeding, we see mothers learning to breastfeed naturally−by letting their babies show them how. Like kittens and puppies, human babies are already hardwired to seek out and find the breast. In this video we see just how babies can do it−when we get out of the babies' way..."We don't have to make our babies learn to feed−we just allow them to follow their instincts to learn."

Canadian Assoc. of Midwives - Sask.
This site has the details specific to Saskatchewan Midwifery Model and the current initiatives.
The home site for the association is here

HypnoBirthing
A method of relaxation, visualization, and self-hypnosis to encourage a calm natural birth.
From the site:

HypnoBirthing® provides the missing link that allows women to use their natural instincts to bring about a safer, easier, more comfortable birthing. Emphasis is placed on pregnancy and childbirth, as well as on pre-birth parenting and the consciousness of the pre-born baby

Kangaroo Mother Care
I love this. It's a method started in 1979 in Bogota, Columbia in response to a shortage of incubators and was taken to South Africa by Dr. Nils Bergman. It works for all newborns, but especially for premies. The idea is to use the mother's chest - skin on skin contact - to act as a natural thermostat.
From the site:

What he found was that skin to skin care was much better for the newborn than the incubator. Babies were warmer and calmer, breathed better and had a more stable heart rate with skin to skin care.

La Leche League - Canada
This is a site where breastfeeding mothers can go for support and information, as well as to meet other breastfeeding mothers in La Leche Leage Groups.
From the site:

Each Group holds monthly meetings where Leaders facilitate informal, guided discussions. During these discussions mothers receive accurate, up-to-date and personalized breastfeeding information and support for their role as a breastfeeding parent. In addition, mothers are able to draw on the experience of other mothers who attend. LLLC Leaders also offer telephone help to nursing and pregnant women who call seeking breastfeeding information.

Mama Goddess Birth Shop
This is a beautiful on line store that offers all kinds of amazing goodies!! it makes the hippy in me rediculously happy.
From the site:

Mama Goddess Birth Shop is a proudly Canadian, eco-friendly on-line store. We offer a high quality source of home and hospital birth supplies,water birth pools,organic baby products, organic herbal teas, breastfeeding supplies, Midwifery supplies and much more!

Orgasmic Birth
Okay, i just found this one last night, so i'm still doing some learnin' here too. But daaang, if it doesn't look appealing!! When you go to the site, there's a trailer that plays automatically. Be sure to check out the latest birth stories on the sidebar. Definately worth the read... and Good God, this is the way i wanna do it. In the trailer one woman says: The energy that got you pregnant is the same energy to get the baby out.
Makes perfect sense. Don'tchya think?... the question they ask is:

What would happen if women were taught to enjoy birth rather than endure it?

SK Doulas
This is the home site for the Doula network in Saskatchewan. This is also where i found and contacted our doula (?)

SK Midwives
This is a great resource on Midwifery in Saskatchewan, and home births... which are out of the picture for us, sadly.

The Business of Being Born
This is the official site of the film produced by Rikki Lake about the American Health System and hospital births. I have yet to see the film, but the trailer itself is very informative.
From the site:

Birth is a miracle, a rite of passage, a natural part of life. But birth is also big business. Compelled to explore the subject after the delivery of her first child, actress Ricki Lake recruits filmmaker Abby Epstein to question the way American women have babies. The film interlaces intimate birth stories with surprising historical, political and scientific insights and shocking statistics about the current maternity care system. When director Epstein discovers she is pregnant during the making of the film, the journey becomes even more personal. Should most births be viewed as a natural life process, or should every delivery be treated as a potentially catastrophic medical emergency?

As i add more links, i'll be sure to give you the blurbs...
Happy Reading!!

Day #96

Dear Chewie,

Will you have big blue eyes like your daddy, or will they be green like mine?
Will your hair turn in soft curls at your neck, or will it be straight as a board?

When you smile will your cheeks dimple?
When you laugh will your eyes sparkle?

All these things and more... I cannot wait to meet you.

Love Mama

A dream

I knew it was a dream, as i was dreaming it.
Somewhere in that haze between awake and asleep, between my midnight pees and my husband's alarm clock.

I was in labour. The baby was almost 3 full months premature. But all signs were go. Chewie and I were both in good health, and we arrived at the hospital with strange lighting... the birthing room was long and narrow like a hallway, and i could see doctors and nurses talking at the end of the hall... the blue overhead lights flickering...

meanwhile, the labour pains kept coming, but i was feeling no fear. It was like i was so far removed from the situation, i could only watch as things happened around me. I was sitting on the edge of the bed, the doctors and medical staff and all their equipment beeping and sounding off in the distance. Where i sat, it was calm, we were surrounded by white light. It was B-rad and I, and our doula. I stood up, face to face with B-rad and wrapped my arms around his neck and let him support me while the contractions kept coming, enveloped in his loving arms - i was aware of the contractions, but not conscious of the pain.

I felt like it would never end, that there was just pain - that i couldn't feel - but that nothing was progressing. The doula checked and announced that i was 5cm dialated - and ready to go.

"5cm? shouldn't i be 10?" i thought, but for some reason couldn't say. At this point i realized i hadn't said anything this whole time, that people around me were talking, and i was only able to watch things happen around me.

Suddenly - the doctor arrived, and i was standing up again, about 3 feet from the table. He was carrying a silver platter with a Glass like Egg the size of a large watermelon, through the glass i could see a baby sleeping soundly on a soft blanket. "Your order has arrived, Ms. Diva".

i looked down at my belly and was shocked to see it was flat, no longer round and full of life. This was obviously my baby. I was so confused. "This isn't how it's normally done, is it?" i thought... "But then, he is the doctor - he must know what's best". The doula, for whatever reason, had vanished and i felt very concerned and afraid.

As the doctor and his staff proceeded to open the egg on the table, i stood with B-rad to the side of the room, watching - taking no part whatsoever in the birth of our child.

i felt an overwhelming sense of being totally Ripped Off, being cheated out of the whole experience of birthing. All that work, all those months, all that anticipation to have the doctor take over and do the 'delivering' and then pat themselves on the back while the nurses walked away with Chewie.

After what seemed like an eternity, our Doula returned carrying a tiny healthy baby... and as i held it, i knew it was mine but i felt absolutely no connection to it. It could have been anyone's baby, for all my heart was concerned. "Here's your little girl" she said.

I woke up feeling sore all over my body. Perhaps that was what triggered the pain in my dream? I did go to Aquafit yesterday. Still not entirely all there, B-rad was getting up for work. It's a girl, i said... but apparently not out loud. i fell back to sleep, and to dreaming.

Meeting the Doula

Last night B-rad and i met with a Doula because its becoming apparent that we're not going to be able to secure a midwife for this baby. So we're thinking that Baby Number 2 will be midwifed and birthed at home. Unfortunately, as beauracratic healh regions do business, it's taking too long to sort things out. Last i heard, home births won't be back on track for another six months, and as i've only got 3 months left... that leaves me with the Hospital route.

And as much as i don't really want that, i have to admit that spending that hour and a bit with Sunava last night really did wonders to put my mind and soul at ease re: birthing in a hospital.

When we arrived, the first thing we were greeted to was her super energetic and absolutely adorable 4 year old son. Shy is not even is this kids vocabulary!

I had told her before that as this was our first child, we had no kids to get into bed at home, so meeting at her house was not a problem.

Y'know when you meet someone, and you get that vibe, and you like them instantly? well, this is how it went down at Sunava's house. B-rad and i fell in love with her, almost the second we sat down on her couch. We chatted a bit about ourselves, about what we do for a living, what we'd LIKE to be doing for a living, and inevitably the conversation wound it's way to musical tastes... and i think this may be what sealed the deal for my fabulous hubby when we told her that we went to Roger Waters last year and her mouth dropped in just the right amount of excitement and envy!! Yeah, we were in good hands.

She told us a little about herself and how she came to find a career helping women with birthing. And she shared with us some philosophies about how the whole experience should be, and some of her experiences in the local hospital. I felt calmer the more she talked. I had a list of questions with me, but by the end of the night she had answered almost all of them, just in talking about herself and what she does.

I asked if she had worked me Dr. X before, and she said she had. When i told her about my last experience with her, she immediately rambled off a list of doctors i should call. She told us that that some of the nurses in the hospitals actually like it when women come in with them cuz it takes the burden off them, and some of the docs too, but if i don't feel comfortable with my doctor - if i'm worried she's going to 'encourage' something that isn't necessary - it will just elevate my stress level the second she enters the birthing room, something we don't want. So, i'm seriously considering switching docs to a doula/midwife friendly doctor.
"Remember," she said, "you're paying for your doctor! I mean, I'm from the States. We know who pays the doctors there. And here in Canada - i mean, you have Health Care, but who pays for the Health Care? You do. Your taxes do. If you're not satisfied with your Doctor, shop around for one you feel comfortable with."

It seemed that everything she said last night just made so much sense in a way that should be obvious, and yet for some reason it wasn't.

She also encouraged us to 'shop around' for a doula... but B-rad and i talked it over last night, and we decided that there was no point shopping when we already knew we wanted her.

So i emailed her this morning and asked if we could hire her for our birth. Hopefully she accepts.

Day #97

Dear Chewie,

This simultaneously terrifies me and excites me....
to imagine this happening to me is almost past my scope of imagination.



and i thought seeing the little 'bumps' was cool...

Love Mama

Day #98

Dear Chewie,

Every day your kicks get stronger. I can see them from the outside now.
I look at the little newborn socks and i can't imagine your tiny toes, even though i can feel them.
I can't wait to take your little feet and much on them like a little snack and see you smile.

Love Mama