Saturday, December 19, 2009

HEY! Internets!!

on top of the craziness of festivus, and the maybe-maybenot of chewie's new teeth which may or may not one day actually pop through those gums and give us all a bit of relief... we are faced with the gross itchy dry skin of winter in our household. And not only that, but Chewie's little cheeks get so red and dry and chapped, and sometimes even crack and bleed. I don't know what to do for the poor little dude, i don't like putting lotion on him, cuz even the baby lotion makes him cry - i can only imagine the sting. I have put some calendula on his cheeks, and that seemed to be helping, sorta.

anyone have any magic mom tidbit to help me out here?

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Dear Chewie

Dear Chewie

I'm amazed at how fast you are learning these days. You still only have a few words that you can speak that we recognize, but your comprehension of words increases daily! Not only comprehension, but retention as well. Only two days ago i showed you where your elbow was and you still put out your little chicken wings to show us "Where's Chewie's Elbow??"

I love your passion for adventure, and you seem to have no fear! Your favourite game is running into the bathroom and closing the door behind you. I would have thought you wouldn't like the dark, but it doesn't seem to be an issue for you.

"Peek a boo" has taken on a whole new level of fun when you discovered that YOU could HIDE and be the one peeking. Anything you can find to cover your face... a blanket, a coat, the curtains, your hands... and your laugh when you do the BIG REVEAL is priceless.

Not only have you been busy discovering this world around you, but you have been busy developing more facets of your personality. From the big pouty lips to the PROUD FACE when you accomplish something, you have been dubbed The Most Expressive Baby I Know by your Grandma H (who has seven other grandchildren!)

The other day while waiting in line at the drive through with your big cousin Meegz, we were rocking out to some loud metal music, and when i looked back at you in the back seat i saw you were dancing, waving your hands in the air - like Air Drums!! Since that moment, everytime a Heavy song comes on over the waves, you have to rock out with your drums, just like mom and dad do!

When you're playing downstairs in the Rumpus room, the first thing you do is run over to one of the big speakers and put your head up close and then look at us and do air drums until we turn on the stereo and you dance around the room. Your love of music is very exciting to us, and we're already pondering what type of instrument you might play. Certainly the drums, you have amazing rhythm for someone who's a baby, but you've also really taken an interest in the guitar... you definately have access to them - there's one of every floor of the house - not including your ukelele and the guitar hero guitars.
The struggles we're having right now all focus on tantrums and hitting/pinching. We're not really sure what to do or how to go about correcting this behaviour right now. We've tried everything from pinching when you pinch, to crying when you hurt us (which worked for a while) to ignoring you when you get aggressive. It is very frustrating, but i can only hope its just a phase...and that you will grow out of it and be the gentle sweet baby you were last month.

You still only have six teeth (four on top, two on the bottom) and the last time you cut a new tooth was around your birthday in July. Then we plum forgot about those little chompers until these last couple of days when i clued in that your crankiness was also being accompanied by red cheeks, drool, and mild fever/runny poops. You won't let me anywhere near your mouth and some days you hardly eat - even cold or frozen food can't entice you. I hope that tooth that's bothering you cuts through soon. Poor little dude, there's nothing worse than seeing you in so much pain.

You test your boundaries more and more every day, which is funny and frustrating at the same time. As much as we feel like you might be murdered, we can't imagine our lives without you.


Saturday, November 7, 2009

a kwestshun

Hey folks,

how do you know or decide when your little munchkin is ready to make the big move from two naps to just one?

Chewie is 16 months old now (14 months corrected age) and some days i think maybe he's ready - but then when we try it out...Oh Em Gee, the terror that ensues.

When did your kids move from 2 to 1? and how did that transition go?

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

a post...

Dear internets,
i have been amiss these past weeks... life - y'know how it is... but a friend sent this to me today, and even though i'm not all about forwarding emails, i thought it was worth a read... enjoy..


The test for "Child" readiness.

Smear peanut butter on the brand new suede sofa you just special ordered. Oh, and hit those windows and gorgeous window swags too. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there until next August.

Obtain a large bean bag chair and shove it under the front of your dress. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans. And try not to notice your closet full of clothes. You won't be wearing them for a while.

Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the person behind the counter to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest grocery. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase your favorite golf or fashion magazine. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage. Try keeping your voice down when you repeat the same thing to them 50 times.

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside. Keep a smile on your face as you do so.

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while
pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00p.m. begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00a.m. Set alarm for 5:00a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.

Turn over the keys to your BMW and buy a mini-van. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Slide it into your DVD player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect.

Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can do a better job. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Why Puff the Magic Dragon Made me Weep

(originally posted on

Okay, so... a lot of celebrities have passed this year, and i generally try to stay away from posting about these people like they actually meant something to me on some level, because other than the fact that i knew who Farrah Fawcette was, or had a lot of Michael Jackson albums before he went all wonky, or even how i fell in love with Patrick Swayzee in Dirty Dancing and Ghost... i have nothing really relevant to say about any of these people.

really, i have nothing of relevance to say about the passing of Mary Travers from Peter Paul & Mary either, except that when i was driving home in my car yesterday i wept.

like i was saying, i was driving home from the doctor yesterday and was listening to CBC Radio2 and of course everyone was talking about the death of Mary Travers, who died after a long battle with cancer - and i learned a lot in those few minutes; about her life, how she grew up in Greenwich Village in the 60s, and how the group Peter Paul & Mary and their song "If I had a Hammer" was so influential in the sixties...

In tribute to Mary, they played - not "If I Had a Hammer", but "Puff the Magic Dragon" and i thought "Hey! I haven't heard this song in, like, forEVER!"

So, i cranked the volume up to eleven and sang along the best i could with my gargly voice and clogged sinuses.

Happily i imagined Jackie Paper and his dragon playing very much the way i imagine Chewie plays with his giraffe Maynard. My heart warmed as i placed my very own son in the role of Jackie Paper, frolicking in the autumn mist with Maynard by his side.

Having adventures and travelling on a boat with billowed sail, fighting pirates...

I smiled as the nobles kings and princes bowed when er' they came.

I was so engrossed in this imaginary land, watching my son play in my mind that when that third and final verse started, it hit me in the heart with a wallop.

A dragon lives forever,
But not so little boys.
Painted wings and giant rings
Make way for other toys.
One grey night it happened,
Jackie Paper came no more
And Puff that mighty dragon,
He ceased his fearless roar.
His head now bent in sorrow,
Green scales fell like rain,
And Puff no longer went to play
Along that cherry lane.
Without his life-long friend,
He could not be brave,
So Puff that mighty dragon
Sadly slipped into his cave.

How many times have i heard this song over the course of my lifetime? The innocent and beautiful wondrland i was painting in my mind suddenly took a turn as i imagined Puff standing on the shore of Honalee waiting for Jackie to come. His heart breaking, wondering what he did wrong, while Jackie grows up and become a man and leaves Puff for good...

Is there nothing more heart breaking than a depressed dragon who is aching for his friend? In the end, when he slipped into his cave, i couldn't stop the big fat tears that rolled down my cheeks as i pulled into my driveway. I parked the car and leaned on the steering wheel crying into my lap as the full weight of the words washed over me.


this bittersweet thing that is growing up.

I am not naive enough to think that Chewie will never grow up and leave me, but suddenly there it was... one day, i would be Puff, and Chewie would grow up and while he would always love me and always have a place for me in his heart - I won't be the best number one playmate. The best hugger. The best snuggler. The "mommy".

One Day, Chewie will stop calling me "Mama" and start calling me Mom.
Then i will know, Jackie Paper will have come no more.
And i will be brave, but inside My Puff will sadly slip into her cave.

The lesson: To do it now. Be his Puff now. He will grow up too fast.
Thank you Peter Paul & Mary

Monday, September 14, 2009

The Toddler Update

Ever since Chewie became mobile there has been a flurry of activity at Chez Diva.
Not just the ever moving baby, but also picking things up that he pulls from where ever they are, constant moving of things to higher planes, baby proofing on the go!

This new found Independence has also led to all sorts of bumps and bruises as he learns to navigate the world from 2 feet up.

Just yesterday his head had an encounter with the driveway, leaving a very nasty goose egg on his handsome little face... a tumble down the stairs gave him an owie lip... this morning he misjudged the distance between himself and the chair and wound up biting his little tongue... (he does not like the taste of blood, and tried spitting it out, but that hurt his tongue with caused more tears) and today at his friend X-Man's house, he knocked his noggin on the corner of one of those old school chests. Another goose egg to match the first.

but he's a fairly strong little trooper - and cries for a few moments, gets a cuddle and some hugs and then is off and running again. Torn between being adventurous and cautious, he teeters around the house... when he gets off and running the look of pure glee on his face is priceless! So proud of him self.

There is no more feeding the boy. Everything must be done himself, and for a while there he was content to just eat with his fingers, but eventually he realized that we were using forks, so dammit - he wanted a fork too!

He generally stabs at the food and if he ever gets anything on there he's so excited he waves the fork, and the little morsel of food that fell prey to the prongs of the fork goes flying through the air.

Stairs are no match for Chewie. He is a master at going up AND long as he remembers to crawl down them, and not attempt to walk down the stairs. To show us how good he is, he will climb all the way to almost the top, then go back down to almost the bottom - look to make sure we're watching - then all the way up to the top again... and repeat.

I am beginning to fear for our cats Kozmo and Cinda. Before they would just walk away whenever Chewie got too close, but now that he can walk, it won't be long before he gets running... and chasing those poor kitties.

Daycare was an adjustment, but he's starting to get the hang of it, i think. My favourite part of the day is showing up to get him and the big smile he gives me when he sees me.

there are definate times when i wish i was still at home with him every day, but seeing him interact with other kids every day and learning to share and be social is a lesson i'm glad he's able to learn now.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Tuesday Toot.

I've been trying to find balance, lately, between being a mom and being a wife, a friend, a spouse, a sister, a sister-in-law, a daughter, a daughter-in-law, and auntie.

Having almost all my extended family living close by has been simultaneously a blessing and a curse. Where - in all of that - does a person find time for herself?

So, i've taken up trying to Push my way through the program outlined in Julia Cameron's book, "The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity" and one of the challenges is to get up a half hour earlier to write 3 pages of Stream-of-consciousness writing - nothing fancy, it's not even good! Just as long as it is three pages, it's okay. Using this form of writing as a kind of active meditation has really cleared my head. And even on days like today where my eyes are so heavy that i can barely keep them open, i really try to keep going... i know i'm not there yet, but i can feel something in me shifting. I think it's giving myself permission to be a creative person.

From the book:
"...never ask whether you can do something. Say, instead that you are doing it. Then fasten your seat belt. The most remarkable things follow"

Anyway, i have been getting up early for the past three weeks and having a half hour of quality me time - no baby, no husband, no work, no phone, no tv - just me, my notebook, my pen... and three pages of terrible writing. ;) and that's okay.

**visit my review blog for a sweet giveaway ending Sunday!!**

Sunday, August 23, 2009


In the grand Scheme of things, Chewie is a very happy - smiley baby. So, when my happy smiley baby turns into Crankster McCrankypants we know that something's up.

It started yesterday, came on really fast actually. We got him up in the morning and he was hot hot heat. Yes, he was. Feverish all day - with Ibupr0fin on and off all day. He was drooling like a crazy mofo... like, more so than any teething episode.

Grouchy, but so cuddly... we didn't do much yesterday - in this FINALLY GORGEOUS WEATHER except hang out together on the 'big bed' watching cartoons and snuggling.

Little Man Chewie wouldn't eat... all day, barely touched a thing, save for a few goldfish crackers and a formula cookie... We started wondering if his throat was sore, because he stopped swallowing all together. He'd drink a bit from his bottle, then it would all drip out his mouth seconds later.

It was late, and he was tired, so we put him to bed and he slept through MOST of the night.

This morning B-rad went fishing... if it had been any other kind of summer, i would have insisted he stay home with me - but the summer was SHIT!! so he only got out fishing, like, twice.

I took Señor Sourpuss to the clinic this afternoon - and the doctor was awesome, so great with Chewie. He showed me how to feel his glands, and they were swollen... "It's definitely his tonsils"

So... Chewie not only inherited my good looks, my dashing smile, and killer eyes - he also inherited my pitiful tonsils. Joy.

After attempting to administer amoxycilin to a squirmy screamy unhappy bébé - and having a mini heart attack when he began to SERIOUSLY choke on it (because he was so unhappy with the whole medicating thing)... his face turned purple, he stopped breathing... and i was just about to blow into full on panic mode when he coughed up the flemmy goo that was stuck in his throat.

The coughing fit that followed was awful, and he practically passed out of exhaustion afterwards.
He's sleeping, now... with the occaisional squeal.

I can only hope that this doesn't become a frequent event, this tonsilitis, but with my own health history - it's fairly likely... i have abnormally large tonsils. It's true. Every doc i've ever seen has told me the same: "Wow! you have abnormally large tonsils!!" and i've always been succeptible to throat problems... let me tell you - when abnormally large tonsils get inflamed, they swell so much they MEET IN THE MIDDLE... which is not too fun and hinders important things, like... oh, i don't know... BREATHING!!

i hope my little munchkin doesn't inherit that from me....

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


  • Beautiful, slobbery, open mouthed baby kisses
  • Hysterical laughter when daddy tickles you, or wrestles with you
  • Some of the things you say: Dah-Ooo (thank you), MUM!, Dadadadadadadad,
  • The almost magical sound of your voice when you sing "Iggle Piggle" in the backseat when you think no one's watching
  • Your popeye face
  • Your toothy grin
  • HUGS
  • Cuddles

Thursday, July 16, 2009

sad sick little boy

Chewie has now been a daycare baby for over a week.

I have no idea of whether or not the little guy is adjusting because he's been sick for the last two weeks.

Seriously, like, its just one thing on top of another... and i'm waiting patiently for him to feel better.... lets go through the gamut, shall we?

  • Tuesday 7th - Receives his 1 year immunizations.
  • Wednesday 8th - First day at work for me, first day of daycare for Chewie. The verdict, daycare has a PUPPY, so he could care less that as i was leaving him, my heart was breaking... i cried all the way to work...
  • Wednesday night - he starts feeling the effects of the first shot, and is awake all night. Fevery and achey, nothing new, much like the last times. However, he does not sleep and there for neither do i.
  • Thursday 9th, Call in sick to work and call in sick to Daycare while Chewie recovers.
  • Early Friday morning 10th, my brother's baby is born - Chewie goes to daycare, is fine but has sniffles
  • Saturday 11th, full blown cold for the little man
  • Sunday 12th, PINK EYE!! That's right, pink eye. So, off he goes to the doctor... He has a fever all night and still has his cold so he has a hard time sleeping... i find out that Pink Eye is very common with the Measles... so the fever + pink eye corresponds with the measles/mumps vaccination...
  • Monday 13th, Chewie stays home from daycare with pink eye. Daddy stays home with him, even though he makes more money than i do and doesn't get paid sick days... i couldn't call in sick a third day in a row.
  • Tuesday 14th, Chewie is feverish all day at daycare... and attempts to chomp my hand off... hm....
  • Wednesday 15th, feverish all day at daycare, falls asleep on the living room floor, not napping well, not eating well, still has terrible cold with snotty nose... i put him to bed at 6:45 and he slept until 10:30 - i went in last night and he was boiling... hot hot hot... so we cuddled in bed and he was droooooly... so shall we add teething to the mix? might as well... he is also, likely reacting to the chicken pox vaccine, which - i'm not even sure he should have received... they certainly never asked about that one, i thought it was voluntary? dunno.

He slept all night and this morning was pretty mellow... i'm really hoping that he starts to feel better, cuz it sure breaks my heart to see him so sickly...

aw. little sweetie pie.

Saturday, July 11, 2009


The late great John Lennon once said: "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans" and today i am reminded of that again.

My niece is born. She is beautiful.

She is enormous. 11lbs 10oz 24" long.

She was too big to come out the front door, so they had to section her out.

My brother's girlfriend, Stef, is amazing.

But because of the size of the baby, after the section the uterus would not contract.

Stef lost half her blood volume.

They couldn't stop the bleeding.

A decision was made.

To save Stef's life, they had to take her uterus.

She is 24.

But, the silver lining is my gorgeous niece.

The silver lining is that Stef is still here.

The silver lining is that i was able to be there for my brother while she was in surgery.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Twelve Months

Dear Chewie,

My darling baby boy, today you are One! Hard to believe that one year ago today you surprised us all by making your debut eight weeks sooner than we anticipated.

I can still remember the first night, you were a floor below in the NeoNatal Intensive Care Unit and i was recovering in the Maternity ward, and i felt as if a huge part of me were missing and even though your dad slept on the floor next to me, i felt so very alone. To have you inside me, growing and living through me, and then to have you gone and not even in my arms was such an emotional shock to me, i was so overwhelmed. As i showered that night, i sang your lullabye and cried - letting my sobs drown the water...

To look at you now, you would never know that you were early, except that you are a bit behind in a few developmental milestones. And those aren't even apparent until you're playing with the neighbour's son who is eight days younger than you.

You have the most amazing smile, it lights up your face and your little pointy chin and your big round noggin', and it seems that you've just taken off in the last couple of weeks! Everything around you is a new adventure and i feel priviledged to have spent the last year with you. Your personality is developing new and exciting facets as you find things funny, or sad, or happy, or frustrating.

At long last, my little one, you are crawling with the best of 'em. A few tries crawling in the bathtub and you got the hang of staying on your knees cuz it kept your head above the water. After you figured that out there was one day of trying it out on dry land - and you were off. You lost all interest in walking with our help, and as you gained your independence suddenly you needed to be everywhere, looking at everything, and "what's this?"...."hmm, what's in here?"..... "where does go?".....

questions questions questions.

And while you can't yet verbalize, i see it on your face as you examine the world around you. When i say verbalize, i only mean fully formed words because you definitely have been trying your hand at speech. In the space of days you went from a few babbly sounds to full on attempts at speech. When you go down for bedtime, we can hear you talking away to your giraffe, Maynard, telling him about your day.

When you playing you keep discovering new sounds and the new things that your mouth can do. You're practising with tone and inflection, and sometimes you truly sound as if you're having a conversation! When you talk to your toys I often wonder what is going on in that brain of yours, what you're thinking, and what you'll do next. Oh, the places you will go.

Over this year you have completely turned my life upside down and inside out and i have NEVER been more tired, more physically and mentally drained, or more happy in my entire life. You have taken our home and made it vibrantly alive. You changed your daddy and i from a 'couple' to a 'family' and for that i will always be greatful to you.

As i have fallen in love with you over and over, so have i been falling in love with your daddy. You two are just two peas in a pod. Everything is better with Dad. He knows the games you love to play, he knows the way to make you squeal and laugh, and you both light up in each others presence. Thank you for opening up that side of your father. I love to see you two together, whether you're chasing each other around the couch downstairs, or playing EXTREMEM Peek a Boo... or just sitting together reading a book. It makes me so happy to know that you two have a strong bond.

There's no better smell than the top of your head when we cuddle before bedtime. The magnitude of love i feel for you puts me at a loss for words and any attempt i make to describe it feels weak and inadequate.

You are the best part of my day, the shining apple of my eye, the beat in my heart, you make the best parts of my life better.

And it keeps on getting better. Happy birthday little man. You are so very very loved.

Love always,

Thursday, July 2, 2009


Last night, as i was laying in bed waiting for sleep to take me, i started going over the things i need to do in the next couple of days, one of those things included calling Chewie's daycare. Then i started thinking about all the thing i'll need to get ready for this big change.

Then i started to think of my sweet little boy, and how much i love his happy smiley face. And i started missing him, even though he was only across the hall. I started to think about how i won't be the one to go in and get him up from his naps, i won't be the one he gives those "Hey! i'm awake" smiles to as he stands in his crib, bouncing up and down with excitement.

If he falls down at daycare, and he looks around for me for a hug, i won't be there. I won't be the one to cuddle and snuggle him with a bottle before his nap.

I couldn't help the tears that flowed down my face, as B-rad asked me what was wrong i admitted that i felt i was abandoning our baby to a perfect stranger, and i feel like he'll forget me, or he'll realize he doesn't need me the way he used to.

I don't know how i'm going to get through that first day. Luckily it will be a short week, that first one back. But still.

My heart is absolutely breaking.

I knew, going in, that at some point i'd have to go back to work - and i avoided thinking about it for almost a full year. Maybe i should have been preparing myself mentally, or even sending him to Daycare a few days a week for us both to get used to the idea. I just didn't want to even let it cross my mind that my one on one time with Chewie would ever end. Now, i'm paying for it in this incredibly sad shift, it will be a shock to my system.

Someone please tell me it gets better, that this is the right thing, that he won't forget me or love me or need me any less. Tell me he won't feel like i've abandoned him, i don't think i can bare that.

Monday, June 22, 2009

In two weeks i'll be back at work. I know, the last year has just flown by, and as much as i hate to do it, i have to start preparing my life for the huge change that will be daycare and job. sigh. I have been avoiding this for the last 6 months but with only 2 weeks left before Chewie's birthday, i can avoid it no longer.

The plus side is that daycare is only 2 blocks away, and i've heard nothing but good things. Still, leaving my son with strangers doesn't particularly make me all giddy inside.

Someone asked me the other day whether or not B-rad and i were going to have another baby, and if so, how far apart did we want them to be. My initial answer was: "Yes, and about 2 years apart" and then i started thinking about the fact that 2 years apart means we'd have to start seriously thinking about baby #2 in the next 3 months. ACK! i can't even process that right now, i mean Chewie is finally at a really fun stage - he's got personality, he's hilarious, he smiles and is such a chatterbox, and he's very mobile and starting to gain independence. I can't imagine doing all this right now, going through the motions of early pregnancy, and hauling him around when i'm as big as a house....

so, from right here - 2 years seems awfully close, but i don't really want them much farther apart because i'd like them to be playmates. Such a conundrum.

What about you guys? How far apart are your kids, how did that play out during pregnancy? I need all the help/advice i can get as that "3 month" marks is getting ever closer.... time to start planning again!?

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Eleven Months

Dear Chewie,

Oh what a month it has been. After your stomach bug that landed you in the hospital we found out you were anaemic. The doctors words were: "His iron level is very low, not low enough that he would need a transfusion, but low." So, we made an appointment with our family doctor to talk about your low iron levels. I was confused because you eat a lot of red meat, and have been since you were about 6 months. At least 2 ice cubes of red meat a day, sometimes more.

You're moving so fast these days, hard to get a good shot!

Apparently, babies store iron in their bodies in utero and live off those stores for the first part of their live until its supplemented in the food they eat. Well, i didn't take into account the two months you were early you weren't able to store iron... So, you've been low on iron all this time and i didn't even know. Looking back, now that i know the signs of low iron, it's very clear - yellowish pale skin, dark circles around the eyes, low energy, low weight. And because i was making all your baby food and nursing you, you weren't getting iron from formula or pablum.

Finally enjoying the sun, going for a walk with dad

So we continued with the red meat, but added iron-fortified cereal in the morning, iron-fortified formula, and 1ml of Iron Supplement 3 x a day (as per doctor's orders). After a day or so of super increased iron we could see the results. Almost immediately you were happier, more playful, and you began to really pack on the pounds getting rolls on your thighs and a big round tummy... a fat little baby, just like you're supposed to be.

Once we had that all figured out, i really started pushing the formula and after i just decided that today is the day - you took it after a minor struggle. It seems that's the way it's gone with a lot of our big steps... the day i decided we'd move from the nipple shield to the breast, the day i decided i wasn't getting up in the night anymore, the day i decided you were going to learn to drink juice from a bottle... all those things were not easy, but after one day of fighting you figured out whatever new skill i needed you to learn.

You are truly your father's

The sad thing about moving you to the formula was that after you were getting it fast and with minimal work, you were no longer interested in nursing. It took too long, and to be honest, there just wasn't enough in there to satisfy you. So one day, just before you hit the eleven month mark, i offered you the breast 3 or 4 times that day and each time you refused. And just like that, you were weaned. You haven't looked back, but i have. I never thought i would miss nursing you, but i do. I miss the cuddle time, the bonding time, the way you would reach up and pat my cheek while i was feeding you... and the way you'd look up at me and smile with a big milky grin.


I'll tell you what i don't miss though; sore nipples, biting, let-down, having to nurse you in the 'family bathroom' at the mall... i do enjoy the freedom to continue doing what i'm doing by just giving you a bottle.

In the mobility department you have really taken off. The little scoot is getting better and better all the time and as proud as i am, i'm beginning to miss the time when i could put you down on the floor, run upstairs and get something and come back to see you where i left you.... but those days are GONE. I'm beginning to realize just how NON-BABY PROOFED my house is. Thank you.

Chewie and Mommy, Mother's Day 2009

You are growing so fast now, and i find myself being trapped between wanting to keep you a tiny little baby forever and being so excited at every new stage of development. My year with you is drawing ever more to a close, and as sad as it is, i'm starting to believe that you'll be fine, but it will be me who will have the hard time adjusting.

You are amazing.
I love you.

Love Mama

Thursday, May 21, 2009

On Vomit, and Poop

Over the past 2(3) days, i really feel that - if i haven't earned my Mother Badge before, i have it now.

A nasty bug has infiltrated our house and home, but decided to only hook its grimy little pinchers into the weakest, most vulnerable, and cutest member of our household. Poor little Chewie has spent the better part of the last 2 days sick sick sick.

Tuesday morning at around 5 am, i woke up to hear Chewie making noises, followed by coughing. I went in to check on him and he was limp and so tired, he rested his head on my shoulder and fell back to sleep. I took him to my bed and we laid down, him sleeping on my chest, for about an hour or so.

When he woke up, he seemed happy enough, just kind of listless. So, i nursed him, and he was good until he puked up every last drop of what he just drank. This was the start of what the day was like. I continued to keep an eye on him, his temperature was slightly elevated, but he wouldn't eat, and he wouldn't drink... he wouldn't nurse either. This worried me. I kept feeding him bits of juice/water here and there, but everything i put in him, he brought back up again.

I would have taken him to the Minor Emergency Clinic, but we actually had a Dr. appt for that afternoon anyway, a NICU check up at the hospital Paediatric outpatients clinic.

Poor little guy, it was tough because we just don't have the communication. I can't reassure him other than to hold him while he cries, and to wipe away the vomit and rub his back. sigh.

At the appointment, the Doctor said he didn't like Chewie's colour, and was worried that he was getting dehydrated (as was i) so he sent us downstairs to the Pediatric ER for some blood work and Urine sample - apparently little boys are prone to bladder infections and kidney infections.

So B-rad, Chewie and I spent approx 4 hours in the hospital Tuesday night. Poor little dude. The upside is that we were able to get him to drink a full bottle of juice and water so he didn't need an IV, but the downside was - we had to hold him down so they could get enough blood for a sample. I don't know why that didn't occur to me when they said the words 'blood sample' for some naive reason i thought they'd just poke him with a pin and take a slide of blood and that'd be it.

Oh god, it was awful, again because of the lack of communication... and i'll never forget the look on his face as he screamed at being held down... the look of "Mom! Why aren't you helping me? Don't let them do this to me, mom! Don't!" it kinda chokes me up even now.

But that's not even the worse part, because he wouldn't pee, so they couldn't get a urine sample... which means.... CATHETER! Now, i think i may have written before about how this is a learning hospital, as most university hospitals are... but i think we may have gotten the D student Nurse. And if we had known that a student would be putting in the catheter, i'm pretty sure we would have said something. Needless to say, this was the worst nurse i've ever seen... and poor little Chewie screamed and screamed until he started losing his fight, which was awful to see him give up. FINALLY the other nurse said: "Just take it out. Take it out!" because the stupid nurse kept pulling it out, and putting it back in, and pulling it out and putting it back in, cuz she's a fucking moron. My poor screaming baby, with the tube going in and out of his little pee-pee even attracted the attending Doctor who watched the moron who was hurting my child.

B-rad and i were less than impressed.

The actual nurse told us that they'd put a bag on him, but if he didn't pee in the next 15 minutes, they'd have to try the catheter again.

They walked out of the little cubicle, i looked at B-rad and said; "what the FUCK was that?!"


So, long story short, he didn't pee - but i overheard the Pediatric Doctor telling the Stupid Nurse that she was doing it all wrong and that she needed to do X Y and Z with little boys and then something about "next time", so B-rad and i were all ready to demand someone else try the catheter when the Peds Doc came in and declared that he would do the cath. he was in and out in less than a minute.

i mean, okay, i know that everyone has to learn sometime, but not on my fucking kid, especially if you're clearly a goddamned idiot.

So, blood tests were negative - except that my boy is anemic, which is kinda frustrating because he eats red meat twice a day... like, 2 ice cubes full at least, sometimes more. The doctor said that this may be why he is so pale, but the levels were high enough that he wouldn't need a transfusion or anything, that he could sort it out on his own.

And the urine test came back clear, so no kidney or bladder problems... the long and short of it: He has a nasty bug.

So, we took him home and cuddle the hell out of him. The upside at this point was that he hadn't vomited in over 4 hours, the downside... he moved into full blown diahrrea.

So, that night we set up the play pen in our bedroom to keep him close by, but didn't end up using it because the only way he'd sleep was on my chest... which means that I didn't sleep. Well, not very well anyway... and B-rad has been working early so he has been getting up at 5... so in an effort to let him get some sleep i took care of the baby solo, which was very exhausting to say the least.

Yesterday i did nothing except change poopy diapers, and try to sooth the diaper rash that has taken up residence on his little bum. He wouldn't nurse at all yesterday, and not for a lack of trying either. The only thing he'd drink was apple juice and water, and he did manage to eat a bit yesterday. But i spent the bulk of it with him either sleeping on my chest or sitting in my lap.

This morning, after a good night sleep (for both of us) he seemed a littele more like himself, although still fairly cuddly. He had a more solid poop, hooray, and he had some breakfast and has been generally happy.

As i type this, he's waking up from his nap. He looks like he needs a hug.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Ten Months

Dear Chewie

Hallelujah ~ its finally nice outside!
Mmm, we're having a picnic! And all i brought was this post card!

We've been managing to get out into the sunshine more and more, thank GOD. Our new thing is to walk up and down the driveway {with me holding your hands} while we wait for dad to get home from work. It's funny how in the space of one month you went from tentative step, not sure exactly what to do, to lifting your knees high up in the air and MOTORING. I can feel the excitement in this new found (somewhat) mobility. I know you just want to GO, and to go on your own, but you're still so wobbly. I can feel that it won't be long before you're teetering around the house or running at top speed.

Hanging out with Grandpa, giving out the High Fives!

This past month you did stand on your own, with no help from me or dad, or anything for that matter. It only lasted a few seconds, but it happened. You kept your balance! Now when we play on the floor in the morning before your first nap, i really try to work on that balance - i know it's in there. Usually you're too excited about the cats, or the window, or the toys on the floor, or me to focus long enough to stay balanced, but it's a work in progress.

allllllllmosssst.... allllmosssst.... GIVE ME THAT CAMERA!

Speaking of progress, you've been spending more and more time on your belly this month and spending less of that time screaming! I think you're finally getting the idea that if we put something you want just out of your reach, you can figure out a way to get to it. No, you're still not crawling but you are beginning to use your legs to push yourself around, a lopsided scoot. This is still a relatively new development, so i'm sure we'll see more of this in the next couple of weeks. Dad continues to force you to sit on your knees, and you're starting to not mind as much, now if we could just get you to use your arms as well as your knees, we might be on to something.

I know that everyone says: "You just can't wait for them to crawl, and then you'll be wishing they were immobile again" so i'm really trying to cherish the time we have on the floor together. It's my favourite time of the day... you've just had breakfast and you're happy and babbling and full of hugs and cuddles.

Hey, if i had something on my face, you'd tell me, right?......right??

Speaking of breakfast - we just started giving you Puffed Wheat a few days ago, and i can't believe how much you love them! They're just the right size for you to pick up, and they stick to your fingers a bit... but you just devour them! It's fun to watch you develop your fine motor skills! This month also involved re-learning how to drink from a bottle. You used to do it just fine in the first few months of being home, then you stopped and would have none of it. So we really had to work on it again. I wanted to make sure that you'll take a bottle when i go back to work, and while you won't take formula, you will take a bottle of water with about a tablespoon of apple juice in it. Mmmm, hydration.

he's got the general idea... just need to work on the direction...

Okay, so raspberries are in full effect these days. You've done them before, but now they are enhanced with 50% more spit!!! Yeah, you spray it everywhere, but it's still so dang cute. You're working on different sounds, more and more each day - you've got mamamamamama and dadadadadadadada going for you already, but this month brought "hiiiii" sounds, as well as "babababababa" or "naanananamaanana" or "behhh!" or "oooooh". You've also started grunting again. It's really quite hilarious, and i'm trying to catch it on film, but as always as soon as i bring out the camera or the video camera you stop whatever it was you were just doing and stare vacantly at me. sigh. But it's not just the grunt, it's like a full body grunt accompanied by a chest flex. Like you workout or something. Very manly. Very hilarious.

smiling at my daddy, he's the greatest daddy ever!

I've been training for my triathlon this last month, so most of your bedtimes are spent with daddy. It's nice, because you and dad get some quality bonding time - playing, making new games, reading books, singing. It's fun to watch you two together as you get more and more interactive, and more excited to be with him. He is a great daddy and his face lights up when i bring you into our bedroom in the morning to wake him up for work. I can see you two being two peas in a pod, and i'm imagining the fun times you'll have together as father and son. You really are his pride and joy.

This is my thoughtful pose. I'm thinking about the economy and investing in mutual funds

You've been teething again, which has been exhausting awesome. Nothing has popped through the surface yet, but you're general crankiness, pink cheeks, need to bite, and drool are the tip offs. Those days are hard, and all i can say is thank god for Infant M0trin. In times like those i think back to the days before over the counter pain meds and wonder how the human race survived the teething stage at all? It's a mystery i will never fully understand.

nom nom nom...giraffes, the other OTHER white meat...

Two more months and i'm back to work. Boo. It's really a count down now, and i'm trying to savour the moments. But each day goes by so fast! We found you a dayhome, just a block from our house, but the thought of leaving you with a total stranger every day makes me very sad, and i try not to think of it. The only thing that consoles me there is that our friends have been taking their son to the same dayhome for the last two years and have nothing but great things to say... to me, that speaks volumes.

...all you need is love...

As much as i look forward to the things to come, i am so glad that i'm able to be here and enjoy the stage you're in now. I always want to be in the moment, and you help me to do that. You rock, little dude. And i love you so much.

Love Mama.

Monday, April 20, 2009


Yesterday marked Chewie's first day standing UNASSISTED!!

Granted, it was only for 2 seconds and he didn't know i wasn't holding on to him anymore... but STILL! That's gotta count for something, right?

Oh, and on the crawling front, still will NOT tolerate being on his tummy, and even though he kinda gets the whole scooting thing with his legs, he refuses to bend at the knee or do anything, really, except put his face down on the floor and scream at the injustice of it all.

poor guy.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Happiness Is...

...walking into your room in the morning saying: "Who's In Here? Who's IN Here!??.....MY BABY!!! Hello Baby!!" you kick your legs and giggle and give me the best smiles every single time.

...the sheer joy you exude

...the way you love the cats, even though they are fairly indifferent towards you.

...preserving your memories in a scrapbook, cuz i'm totally a nerd that way.

...watching your dad play with you. You're very lucky to have such a great daddy.

...the way your chin sticks out when you smile

...eating your toes

...the soft spot where your neck meets your shoulders, and nibbling there

...watching you play and discover the world around you

...the way you grin when you walk to something or someone (with a little help from mom, of course), you look so pleased with yourself.

...the way your eyelashes glisten when they're wet with tears

...the smell of your hair


...the tiny hairs that cover your body, but especially the ones on your ears that light up when you're properly back-lit. la la la la la la la la....... and the other fun noises you make.

...your fascination with ceiling fans

...watching you learn to blow raspberries and covering us all in spit in the process

...the way you constantly wave your left arm in the air... even more so when you're excited about something

...discovering motherhood with you

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Tuesday Toot

What have i done that's noteworthy?

Well, for starters, it was Chewie's 9month birthday this week signifying that the girl who can barely keep plants alive has successfully been a parent to a LIVING HUMAN BEING for nine months already. Where does the time go?

Also, i have been able to (so far) write Chewie a letter each month archiving his milestones and achievements, both his and mine. (see my sidebar)

ALSO... i managed to get back on a bicycle after crashing and burning and cracking my elbow 4 years ago, and i did NOT die and i did NOT crash... but i was still very tense. i'm getting better all the time, right?

I also spoke to three perfect strangers this week, and went for a walk with my new neighbour... all things that are hard to do when you're shy and not good at small talk.

Yay me. i rawk.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Nine Months

Dear Chewie,

So, it's been nine months and here we are at the point where i was going to say something clever like: "You've now been on the outside as long as you were on the inside," but that ship sailed way back at your seven month letter and i missed it! :) ah well.

This month we've managed to get outside of the house and actually do things outside instead of just going from one place to the next. Yes, actual fresh air and Vitamin D! The first such occasion was your first time on the sled your Great Grandpa M gave you for Christmas this year, which also happened to be on one of the freakin' windiest days of all time. It was Stupid Cold, and yet, we all trucked out to Hilly Side for your cousin Eric's birthday/toboggan party. You even rode on a snow machine for your very first time with your dad and your Uncle Doug.

Uhm, Mom... it's really really really REALLY cold out here, can we go home now?

I know that i've said you were long and skinny before, but this month it really began to show. In fact when you went for your last RSV Vaccine, you had actually lost half a pound this month! I measured your height and you only grew a half inch, and when you're only 15 lbs to begin with, losing a half pound is a lot of weight to lose.

nom, nom, nom, nom...

I figured that something like this might happen because it's been such a struggle to get you to eat this month. Every meal time was like Battle time, where in i would generally give in to you and give you a cookie so you would AT LEAST EAT SOMETHING... (don't worry, it's a pablum cookie). I imagine that your aversion to eating had not as much to do with your distaste for food as much as it had to do with the fact that, this month, you cut your second tooth. Hooray! Now you have both bottom teeth, which is pretty darn cute, and you have one wicked bite, letmetellyou. ouch.

Snuggled up with his Sleep Sheep

You have an amazing laugh, which you are seeing fit to share with us more and more. One of my favourite things right now is laying in bed, the three of us, early in the morning before your daddy goes to work. Well, i should say that the fact that you decide to be awake for the day at six in the morning is very much NOT my favourite, but the silver lining is the family time. I don't know why it is that you've decided to switch your internal clock back an hour. Don't you know we live in Saskatchewan and we don't do the Daylight Savings thing here?? Please go back to sleeping until seven... please??

Aside from the waking up early thing, you still aren't sleeping through the night like you did a few months ago... i call those the golden nights.... I don't know whether it's your teeth bothering you, or growth spurts, or what, but we went from 0-1 wake ups a night to 2-3 wake ups. Oh yeah! Another development milestone is that you TOTALLY HAVE the rolling from your back to your tummy thing. The only thing is, you seem to only do this when you're in your crib, trying to sleep... and ultimately you wake up so very very unhappy to be on your stomach. Your dad and i have taken to going in and rolling you over onto your back and hoping that you'll just find your way back to sleep. Sometimes this works. Sometimes. It. Doesn't.

Can you say Ladykiller?

Vocally, you seem to be enhancing your talents, continuing to try new things, new sounds... you've had a lot of fun with blowing raspberries the past few days, and you still enjoy babbling when we motorboat your mouth with our finger. But its the stringing of sounds together that i'm finding fascinating. And in the past month you've said Dadadadadad and momomomomomomomm, much to our delight and to your confusion as to why we're so excited. You have no idea.

The first half is just smiley happy, the second half is babbly motorboaty.

I've also noticed you have been picking up on some of the signs we use in the house on a day to day basis. It didn't take you long to associate the sign for "Change" with having your diaper changed, you picked that up right away...but the other signs have been coming along a bit slower. In the last couple of weeks it seems that you've started recognizing the sign for "Milk" and when i do the sign and ask if you want a drink, you wave your left arm frantically in the air and start smiling and almost hyperventilating. I'm almost certain that you actually asked for milk last week when you were tired and ready for a nap. We keep on keeping on, but it's pretty excited to think that we may eventually have some form of pre-verbal communication. Yay us!

Yeah, i totally make this sweater WORK!

A definite highlight of this months development is the high five. So awesome. You only started doing it a few days ago, but you totally do it. Almost every time i put my hand out and say: "Gimme Five!" you do. That's cool. You continue to find new and hilarious ways to keep your dad and me entertained.

Cutest. Kid. Eva!!!

Still no crawling, and no scooting, and still the general dislike of tummy time of any kind... your dad has been working on getting you to kneel, which you also don't care for, and i have this awful feeling that you're going to just SKIP the whole crawling thing and go straight for the full on run. You have also declared bottles to be for chumps, but will not take any beverages from a sippy cup. No, unless it's coming straight from me, you prefer your juice in a big boy cup like mom and dad's and generally end up drenched.

We had your first excursion out in your stroller - sans car seat, which was exciting but kinda bumpy as we got lodged in some melty-snowy-mud.
We almost had to turn back, but i put my shoulder to the wheel and pushed along.

We purchased your first pair of baby sunglasses which are totally adorable and you generally keep them on, mostly because i put them on you outside when the sun is shining on your face so you get why they're important. We have gone for walks by the river and you even went to your first movie at the Theatre (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - Movies for Mommies).

Future's so bright... he's gotta wear shades.

As a mom, i'm finding it amazing how much more energy i have now that it's spring, and getting out and doing things seems exciting and adventurous. I can't wait for all the fun things we'll do. I love you. love you. love you.


Thursday, April 2, 2009

bathroom related tidbits

some things i thought i'd never have to say before becoming a mother:

* B-rad: "Honey!" he calls from the baby's room while changing his diaper
Laura: "what?"
B-rad: "Come here! You have to see this!"
Laura: "See what?"
B-rad: "He's pooping! It looks so weird!"
Laura: "Yeah, i've seen it!"

* "Don't pee on mommy!! And for that matter, if you could refrain from pooping on me too, that'd be just swell"

* "Hey! Where did this poop come from!?" in response to random poop found in the house

* singing to the tune of Mexican Hat Dance: "do-Doo do-Doo do-Doo!! We don't Poop in the Bath!!!"

* while changing a diaper: "Aw, C'mon! puh-lease don't try to eat your poopy diaper!"

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

tuesday toot.

i signed up for a triathlon all by myself with no running buddy, even though i am terrified and stupidly shy, and i am horribly out of shape.
it's something i wanted to do, and even though it scares me - i'm doing it.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The Happy Nap.

ah, if only every naptime was as easy as this.

SOMEONE decided that it would be a good idea to be awake and ready to start the day at 5 am this morning, instead of the usual 7 am. Okay, so i wasn't ready.... and neither was B-rad, which leaves only one person... i'm looking at YOU Chewie.

Instead of getting up, i brought him into our bed to cuddle and nurse for a while, and then at about 6:30 he decided enough of that and started talking to himself, chattering, making cooing noises, grunting and growling... essentially telling us that if HE was awake, then by gum WE should be too.

So, we gave in and played together as a family in bed this morning. So very nice. Yes, a few more minutes of sleep would have been nice, but it was even more rewarding to see Chewie grabbing B-rad by the face and smiling and laughing.

The rest of the morning routine went pretty much the same. Fruit and rice cereal for breakfast, say bye bye to Daddy, more breakfast followed by his pablum cookie, which he devours every time. Usually i use his cookie eating time to read emails or catch up on facebook cuz he's quite content and occupied with the mess he's making.

Then after the cookie came the whiney-boy. Right on schedule. Yeah, i BET you're tired Mister I'mgoingtowakeupatfive. So clean up, and out of the high chair. Now comes the fight. The I'm Tired But I Don't Want You To Know Cuz I Don't Want To Go To Bed fight wherein he puts his head down on my shoulder for 3 seconds then sits straight up and is SUPER FASCINATED by the collar of my shirt until his head gets heavy and he puts it down again. Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

The upside to him being up so early this morning is that he was SUPER cuddly. He was pretty content to sit in my lap, snuggling, for a good 15-20 minutes. I figured i might as well keep him up for a bit more, hoping that he actually has a good morning nap (He's been waking up after an hour the last couple of days, usually he has a good 2 hour morning nap).

And when i finally took him to his room, i laid him down in his crib, and instead of the usual screaming and tears and WHY MOM WHY faces i usually get, he looked up at me and smiled his big gummy smile while i wrapped him up. i gave him his Maynard, and he hugged him close and again smiled at me.

When i turned off the light he was chattering to Maynard, probably telling him about how he tricked Mommy and Daddy into getting up early today. Little Turd.

He was out in about 3 minutes.

Hopefully he stays happy and cheerful for the rest of the day, we're going to Movies For Mommies today with Jaimie and Little E (to see Benjamin Button)... is that asking too much? Vote for my post The Happy Nap on Mom Blog Network

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


while reading, what was, a very intense passage of the book i was reading at the time... at the kitchen table.... suddenly the silence of reading mommy and cookie eating baby was shattered by what was a very long and very juicy fart.

i looked up at the darling face of my firstborn, who is covered in cookie goo from eyebrows to toenails... and i laugh like i haven't laughed in a long time.

best part? he thought it was just as funny and we had a good old laugh together.

ah, the memories.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Eight Months

Hit play to hear what i hear in my head every time i write one of these letters...

Dear Chewie,

Normally, when i start one of these letters to you i think to myself, "Wow, i can't believe how fast that month was!" Not this time, and it was even February - the shortest month of all... it seemed like forever.

February brought us nothing but a whole truck load of tears. Well, to be fair, it was really only the last two weeks that were awful, it feels like you've been sick forever. First the crazy vomit/poop day after you swallowed the pool water on Family Day, then this whole teething + virus + trip to the clinic + trip to the Emergency Room fiasco of the last week, which we've spent cuddling on the couch everyday because that's the only way you'll sleep. The only good thing i have to say about this last week is that you have FINALLY CUT YOUR FIRST TOOTH!! Good Lord in Heaven, i thought it would never happen. Now if only you'd learn to nurse without chomping down, we'll be a-okay!

Mooom!!! Get me out of here!!!

But it hasn't been all bad, i am just still so close to the badness, it's still fresh in my mind.

You continue to grow, longer and longer each day. It's amazing to me that you're still so lean - you little bean sprout, you - as your father and i were both little tank babies. At your last weigh in a week ago, you were a solid 15 lbs 9oz., and looooong. I started marking your height on the door jamb of the downstairs bathroom. 26.5". As you continue to get longer, your sleepers get smaller and smaller lengthwise, but still so roomy widthwise.

i love your tiny little legs, so skinny and cute!
You have spent a lot of this month experimenting with your vocal range. What you're capable of, how loud you can scream, how high, how growly, how it sounds when you gargle spit in the back of your throat, how you can pierce mama's ear drums, and yes - i even heard, once, an actual laugh come out of you! Not just the smiley squeal, but a bona fide laugh, and what brought it on? Your dad, bonking you on the head with a rolled up newspaper. Weird. You also figured out how to cough, which - when you first started doing it - concerned me when i could hear you coughing... But then i saw you cough and look to see if i was watching... then that little smile would appear on your face.... "haha," you seemed to say, "I was just trickin'!" you little stinker!

Hi!! Hello!! Look at me! Hiiii!!!

It's interesting to watch the little facets of your personality develop, and watching you figure things out and grow and learn and develop. Quite amazing, actually. You still don't enjoy tummy time, but now that you've learned how to roll from your tummy to your back, it's as if you're saying to us: "HA!! i'll show YOU!". You have rolled from your back to your tummy once or twice, but it seemed that once you figured out you were on your stomach you decided enough of that!

Seriously, mom? more pictures?

This month you also grasped the concept of 'sitting' all by yourself, and now will quite happily sit on the floor and chew on your wet washcloth - the only thing that keeps your interest for more than a few seconds. I'm amazed at your posture, such a straight back. That's how we're supposed to do it.

Play dates are more fun as you are becoming more and more aware of your surroundings. You look at your friend, Little E, and reach out for her, always for the eye - not sure why. It's fun to watch you rolling around on the ground, reaching for each other, and squealing and making noise, whereas just a short while ago you would only look at each other and cry when the other cried.

This photo reminds me of that painting of the Farmer and his Wife, lol. Where's your pitchfork?

I'm looking forward to the next phase, which i'm assuming will be mobility. I also fear it, my house it not near ready for a mobile Chewie. And things i have to start thinking about, like going back to work and finding daycare are looming over me as my year of mat leave is slowly coming to a close. I don't want to have to go back to work, i love staying at home with you, but it's a reality i have to face. I just really have to savour what days we have left, and take advantage of the time we have together. And now that we're into March and the days are getting longer, hopefully we can get some mileage out of your stroller and get about the neighbourhood.

Every day is a new adventure.

Love you, Baby!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

getting my hate on for hospital emergency rooms

i hate Hospital Emergency Rooms.


But, sometimes there comes a time in every mother's life where she has to buckle down and say "Y'know, this is not about me" and that time was last night. Chewie had been working on the same fever for over 2 days and i was getting concerned that he might be getting a tad dehydrated, and he was listless and not eating...and we could get the fever down with T ylen0l but as soon as it wore off his temperature would rise again. So, we packed him up and trekked him to the horsepiddle.

i really hate Emergency Rooms. Have i mentioned that? i have? hm.

Sitting in the ER, the Worry and Nerves were palpable, like a mist in the air and you couldn't help but walk through it. That shit gets in your hair and in your pores, on your clothes. As a person with an ALREADY over reactive stomach of nerves, it didn't take long before my insides were doing flip flops and spectacular high dives off an Olympic Standard Diving Board.

Not only that, but you can't help but sit and judge the state of every one's emergencies. Twisted ankles, heart attacks, stomach pain (guilty of that one just 2 short months ago)... and it's hard not to feel every one else's eyes on you thinking that your emergency couldn't be worse than theirs.

The thing with a sick infant, though, is that you tend to jump up the line. As we were waiting for the triage nurse to check Chewie's temperature, another family came in with a boy about 18 months who also had a fever. As the triage nurse said when she eventually did check Chewie's temp - after checking the other little boy (grrrrr, we were there first yadda yadda yadda) "It's the battle of the sick babies". Seriously? Then, as the thermometer beeped she said; "Okay, he wins" and we went from the waiting room, to the littler waiting room.

Inside the gates of ER we were greeted with a stench, like somebody shit their pants, and likely someone had. I don't think it's very easy to get rid of that smell. Maybe they could have attempted though, for our benefit, to spray a little Febreeze or light a match or something.

We were taken to the same watiting room that i was in the last time for my gallstones. weird huh?

After being assessed by a student with an awesome Taurus Tattoo on his left wrist, we waited, trying to keep Chewie awake for the doctor. He showed up eventually, a man in his sixties with his shirt unbuttoned, tie still tied tight, wearing jeans and dress shoes. He gave our son the once over and calmed our fears by telling us that it was nothing serious, but we were right to come in for an assessment after such a long fever.

We do have a Health Line that we can call in this province, and we did call there. After giving the nurse on the line our info, she terrified me by saying that she was trying to decide whether or not we should drive Chewie to the hospital or whether she should send an ambulance. It's so hard to tell over the phone, and they almost ALWAYS just tell you to go to the hospital.

We told this to the doctor, who reminded me of Johnny Fever from WKRP in Cincinnati, and he hearkened back to the days of Family Doctors, house calls, and Docs on Call. His opinion was that had there still been Docs on Call we mightn't have been sent in to the ER. Given the circumstances, a baby with a fever for a prolonged period of time could be a number of things, meningitis, or ear infections, or kidney problems. This particular time, the doc chalked it up to teething with a possible virus on top of that. With his immune system lowered from the teething it would be easy for him to catch a bug... and with him being 8 months, and a preemie at that, better to be safe than sorry.

I really hate Hospital Emergency Rooms. I hate the wait, i hate the stress, the worry, the wait, the eyes of other patients, the wait, the smell, the wait.... i really really hate them. but i'm glad we went in, because i knew i wouldn't be sleeping...i couldn't relax until i knew that he was going to be okay. I mean, what if he DID have something serious, and we waited and he got really sick?

My younger brother, Patrick, got really sick when he was a few months old, he had one of those seizures brought on by fever - and my mom told me that she just happened to go into his room. He was limp, and burning up. My mother screamed, my dad put him in a bath of cold water and shocked him awake. He was rushed to the hospital. Now, he has only partial vision in one of his eyes that may be a direct result from his high fever. With that constantly in the back of my head, you can't blame me for trying to be extra cautious with my son. can you?

We got home around 11:30 pm, and we put our exhausted little peanut to bed. He slept until about 5 this morning.

This morning Chewie seemed to be getting better. He ate some breakfast, but still needed to cuddle. as much as i love the cuddle time, i'm happy he's recovering.
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