Sunday, November 28, 2010


after 40 long days in the hospital, Artoo finally came home this week...


Thursday, October 21, 2010


Shredded carrots on swollen, cracked nipples = Heaven.

that is all.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Artoo's Birthday

I guess my body is not made for keeping babies inside 9 months.

B-rad and i went into the hospital at about 8:30 Saturday morning, and Artoo was born  at 11:31 am.  Everything was super speedy, and i went from 4 cm to pushing is about a half hour.   It was so fast that by the time i was already pushing, the docs weren't even ready to catch the baby yet! 

Artoo is going to be spending the next couple of weeks in Intensive care while he puts on some weight and gets stronger.  He was born at 3lbs 15oz - and Preemie babies usually have to stay in the hospital until at least 5 lbs, so he's got a ways to go.

Monday, October 4, 2010

32 weeks and still going strong

We made it this far!!

32 weeks - this is where we were when Chewie was born.

So far, apart from feeling enormous and tired all the time, i'm feeling pretty good.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

he wants to bowl with the gangstas

This is Chewie's new favourite song.
How do i know this? Because the second we get in the car he says; "I want White and Nerrrrdy Mama"
Or if we're sitting at the dinner table: "I want White and NEerrrrdy Mama!"

So, this song has been getting serious PLAY at my house.  And when Chewie bobs his little head and sings along... ".....NERRRRDY!........NERRRDY!!......"  it's too frikkin' cute. 

He's getting more and more hilarious every day, and more and more conversational.  It's hard to remember that he used to be a baby that did nothing but eat sleep and poop.

Really, though, this post is to distract me from the fact that i'm at 30 1/2 weeks right now.  Only a hop skip and a jump from where i was when i delivered early.  I'd be lying if i said i'm not TOTALLY freaked out.  I am. 

And it's made even worse by the fact that the past couple of weeks have been very uncomfortable.  Last night before bed my stomach clenched and was hard as a rock!  Braxton Hicks?  and then early this morning, i woke up to crampy type pains on the right side of my belly, and today i am extremely puffy.  So i'm chugging down the water, and trying to breathe and not think about it. 

I have to focus on November 7th.  That is the magic date - the date where i'm allowed to deliver at home... in water... as per my birth plan.

As we've not decided whether or not Artoo will be our last baby, there's always the thought of "This is it! This is the last time" for all these things.  I just want to have a normal delivery.  I don't want to look back and think that both times i did this i failed. 

Okay, i know i didn't fail - that my body got Chewie out before things got really bad, but it's hard to go to that place when you're already emotional.

So, Dear Artoo.... Please hang in there buddy.  Just for 6 1/2 more weeks.  Then you can come!  Okay? For mama? Thanks.

Friday, September 3, 2010

First Haircut

Today Chewie had his very first haircut.

when he was born - they shaved his head to put in IVs in NICU, but that doesn't count...

He spent most of his first year almost bald - and then just like magic - overnight he grew all these adorable curls. 

But after two years, it was time.

He's such a big boy now.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

i am the diva's baby - Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

Here he is, in all his ultrasound glory - my little squirmy worm. 
Currently, i'm at just about 28 weeks...

Because Chewie was SO EARLY when he was born, i am a high risk for Pre-Term labour, and while B-rad and I have secured the services of a lovely Midwife to do the Home Birth thing, i still had to go and visit with an OBGYN to talk about the risks of preterm labour, etc.

I had a few tests done, a swab to test for any weird bacteria - which came back clean..., Checked the baby's size progress - Artoo weighed 2 lbs at my last ultrasound which is awesome, and she checked the length of my cervix, which was showing at 4 cm, which apparently is good because they typically look for them to be less than 3cm as high risk.

Essentially, i walked out of that office with the words: "Hopefully i never have to see you again" still ringing in my ears... Now we have to keep this baby inside for the next 9 weeks... as 37 weeks is the cut off for the Midwives here to deliver in home.

Other than that, i'm tired.  Back to the tired stage... and there's so much to do... 
with our house in shambles from the flooding - and in the various states of repair, and all the cleaning and sorting to do, all the laundry... it kinda feels overwhelming.  especially when i just feel like sleeping.

Chewie has been super clingy lately - and has been waking up with nightmares again.  He only wants Mama in the morning, and has figured out the difference between Sad and Happy.  So now he says: "Mama, i'm sad! Make me HAPPY!" and then asks for a hug... which is adorable, but when it's all the time it can be a little exhausting as getting my ever growing body down to his height for hugs is getting trickier all the time. 

it's getting hard for me to leave him at daycare.  Mostly because he just really wants to spend time with me - and when i drop him off he cries: "NO! Mama!!  Don't LEAVE ME!!!"  GAH! heart wrenching. 

And i know that the days are limited for one on one time with him.  My little Chewie.  However, i feel that he will always be a mama's boy - and likely Artoo will want nothing to do with me, no cuddles like my Chewie.  (if anything the baby astrology has told me about Scorpios/Sagg's are true)

Chewie has had a few successful attempts on the potty, which is terribly exciting.  My family Doc told me, when she found out i was pregnant again, to not bother trying to train until after the baby came... because we'd just be back at square one as soon as the kiddo makes his way into the world.  That was our plan, but Chewie started showing interest in the potty and actually going on it, so we took our cues from him.  We're not really pushing him, but we do try every night after supper to see if he has to go.  I think it will be much easier when i'm at home all day and will be able to help him get on a potty schedule.  Daycare just screws with that.

So that's what we've been up to. 

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Oh yeah...

It's been a while since i've been online - what with holidays and all...

but we're having another Boy!

Oh man...two boys....Lord Help us!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Good Day, and welcome to week 20

Good day, 'eh?

Here i am, 20 weeks in to this pregnancy.  That's halfway, assuming this little ninja baby stays in until 40 weeks. 
What to report?  not much.  Life is pretty regular around here... get up, feed Chewie, get Chewie to the sitter - go to home from work...feed the little dude to bed... then relax maybe? sometimes??

It's different, this second pregnancy.  The first time i had lots of time to think about the changes going on in my body, i was really on this "What week" pregnant i was... This time, not so much.  In fact, if it weren't for Roz, my midwife, telling me last week that i was at 19 weeks and one day, i would have had NO idea that i was almost halfway.  So, thanks Roz! 

I'm not noticing as much movement as i did with Chewie, but that could be partly because i'm more distracted.  Or it could be that 20 weeks is still pretty early.  I do feel the fluttery kicks every now and then... and last weekend - when B-rad was out for the night, i was pretty sure that Artoo was having a party in there... he/she has not been that active since, and B-rad STILL has not felt the kicking. 

When we found out we were pregnant with Chewie, B-rad said he didn't want to find out the sex of the baby, he wanted to be surprised.  So, i agreed - knowing that if i found out and he didn't, i would somehow let it slip and would ruin it for him. 

But this time, i said it's my turn.  We are finding out. 

And so this Thursday afternoon we have our 20 week ultrasound - to do things like check the position of my placenta (to see if it's low or not) and to measure... and to HOPEFULLY find out the gender of this little Artoo.


Both B-rad and i have very strong "Girl" feelings.  I admit, i thought Chewie was a girl - more so i think i HOPED he was a girl, but felt deep down he'd be a boy... but this time, i say "She" all the time, and i just think "Girl". 

Don't get me wrong, a little Baby Burrito would be just as welcome and loved as a little Baby Taco... but it would be nice to have the complete set.  The salt and pepper shakers.

If you'll look on the right at the top of the page, you'll see i have craftily devised some kind of Blog-poll where YOU the READER can take a guess.  Even though the ultrasound is Thursday afternoon, i will leave it open until Friday - mostly because B-rad, Chewie and i are going on a 10 hour road trip to Winnipeg...


should be good times.

so, go and vote!  :)

Monday, July 5, 2010

Two Years Old!

Dear Chewie,
Two years ago, my life changed in such an amazing and drastic way.  You came into our lives early.   It was scary.  But you were brave, and strong, and oh so very tiny.  Not even 5 lbs, i thought you were the tiniest most perfect creature i'd ever seen.

When you were finally able to be in my arms, i couldn't believe that your dad and i created you... Everything about you was so small.  None of the clothes fit you, we had to fold the newborn diapers up just so they'd stay on your tiny little bum.

Slowly yet quickly, in a bizarre time vortex of long days and fast days - you were a year old.  Everything you did was a new and amazing discovery.  Your development was fascinating to watch.  To be a witness to you learning about the world around you has brought so much meaning to my life.

Crawling, teething, walking, teething, talking,...teething; you made your way from Babyhood to Toddler-hood, bringing with it it's own set of challenges and joys.  Babyproofing as we went, you learned about this environment called your home.  As you grew, i remained positive that you were still the most beautiful Toddler out there.  

My darling son, this week you took the leap and moved from my adorable toddler - to my little boy.  My big boy who, when asked how BIG you are, proudly proclaims: "I'mmmmmmmmm TWOOOOOOO!"  Two years old! 

You are imaginative and creative, and when i watch you playing with your toys i can't believe you were so tiny once.  You have this little toy phone, and you pick it up to call "Gamma" or "Lalex", sometimes i hear you in the other room:

"Hi gamma, wha you doin? Okay, yeah.  Uh huh. Kay. Bye!"

You love your puzzles and no longer need any help with any of the pieces.  You can do it by yourself.  Even though you like it when Mama or Daddy helps you.

You love your "Buzz Yighyear" and you love to play cars... you'll drive the cars across the floor then park them in their 'house', a little wooden box.

This age is so magical.  Everything is exciting!  You love to go in the car, you like to hold our hands as we walk, you like to help me sweep the floor - even if you're just making more of a mess with your little broom.

At daycare you watch a lot of TV.  I know because you know every single character on TreeHouse.  While you do enjoying watching shows, some of your favourites right now are: "He-Man", and "Ni Hao, Kai Lan" but your all time favourite show is "Blue's Clues" - even better when you can watch it in our bed.  How many times have you said: "Mama! Boos Coos Bed!" in the past few months?  i can't even begin to count.

Not only are you developing your own personality - a stubborn one who will only do things on his terms (your grandpa and your dad will say: I wonder where he gets that from?) but you have a wonderful sense of humour, one that says; All Boy.   Nothing is funnier than a fart, or the word "bum"... nothing is more hilarious than the same joke - over and over and over and over and over and over and over.  But to hear you laugh, i am willing to play the same joke over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

Your laugh lights up my whole day.

Your favourite books are:

"The Spooky Old Tree"

"Grumpy Bird"

"Hop on Pop"

And story time isn't just for bedtime anymore.  We'll sit on the couch and read story after story, sometimes you help when you know the words, other times you just sit and listen.  Book after book, we read.  I'm so happy you love books.  I know the places they will take you if you nurture that love.

There is nothing in this world that's better than when you run up to hug me and say: "I love you, Mama"  There are no sweeter words in this or any other language.

Chewie, you keep growing up a little more each day. The little baby i knew is gone and in his place - an inquisitive, happy little boy who keeps me on my toes.  I love you so much, and when you are cranky or having an off day - i try to remember that little babe i held that day 2 years ago.  All too soon you will be a big boy who's too cool to hug and cuddle his mama.  So, let's go read a book and cuddle in bed, and cherish it while we can.

Happy 2nd birthday, little boy.  Love you, love you, love you.  A million times and more.


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Chewie Update

On the OTHER baby front, Chewie is becoming quite a handful.  Every day its a new battle as he gains more and more independence.  

Diaper changes are a struggle, unless it's his idea and he comes and tells you that he pooped.  Getting down on the floor to change him is getting trickier, and on the times when it's NOT his idea to be changed and he fights it, he does a lot of kicking - getting me in the baby belly every time.

He's really interested in the potty, he likes to follow us in there - and he likes to flush the toilet and watch as we wash our hands.  However, he has absolutely no desire to sit on it himself, or on his own little potty... I can tell that he's getting closer to the training stage, but i'm wary of pushing him.  He runs away to hide when he poops, and when he HASN'T told us that he pooped he becomes very  possessive of his diaper.  He doesn't want to be changed, he says: MY DIAPER!! NOO! MY DIAPER!! - and frankly, some days i swear i would let him sit in it if he didn't have such sensitive skin and was so prone to diaper rash. 

Not sure how we'll tackle this... very gently, i suppose.  I keep thinking it would be so lovely to only have one baby in diapers at a time, but then i think that i'd just get him trained, the baby would come and he'd revert back to square one.  So many people i know had this happen to them.  Is it worth the fight now, when he doesn't seem to be ready yet - just to do it all over again in a few months?  Also, once i have the baby, i'll be at home every day and will be able to get him on a schedule or program.  Any thoughts?

He's discovered that mama's pee-pee and daddy's pee-pee don't look the same and  we've started trying to explain different genders to him. 

He says "Good Boy, Mama!" when i help him with his puzzles... and i try to correct him with Good Girl and say Daddy and Chewie are boys, Mama is a girl.  He'll get it eventually.

Other fun things include random temper tantrums.  I know he's learning to express himself, but if he could hurry up and figure out what he wants, we'd be such a happier home.

Do you want cereal, Chewie?
Do you want tost?
Do you want yogurt?
Do you want a banana?
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!......i want cereal.

Every morning.  Only who knows what he wants... he certainly doesn't ...until after 10 minutes of naming random food in the house.

He also has decided that he wants to sleep in Mama's bed at night.  This happened ONCE a few weeks ago when he had a super high fever, and now he wakes up at 1 am and says: MY Mama's BED!!!  le sigh.

But it's not all bad.  He really is mostly a happy little boy.  He loves to laugh and giggle... and he LOVES running.  He runs around the living room... he runs around the backyard, he runs in circles, he runs in straight lines...

he likes kisses, he likes to cuddle when he's tired.

He's a little parrot, so we're finally having to start watching what we say... last week when my brother was in town he was standing near Uncle Rico and Daddy, when Daddy said: Fuck yeah!  and sure enough, a little squeaky baby voice repeated: Fuck yeah!  

and yesterday when i dropped something on my foot i shouted: Dammit!  
sure enough, a little squeaky baby voice repeated: Dammit!

every day is a new adventure... somedays i wonder what we were thinking having a second... but most days i think of how exciting it will be for Chewie to have a little brother or sister. 

Artoo - update

Holy Cow.  I'm almost 20 weeks into this thing!  That's halfway!  Realistically, if i'm early again - i'm already OVER the halfway point... freaky.... so much to do....

There hasn't been much in the way of spotting lately... but then there hasn't been much in the way of Teh Sex either.  Poor B-rad.  My next Ultrasound is on the 15th, hopefully we'll get some the questions...and also to the sex.  of the baby. 

My friend asked about the weight loss that i mentioned in this post... she wanted to know what i was doing.  In all honesty, i have no idea.  i was fairly surprised when Roz said the scale went down.  

All i can come up with is in my first trimester i was so tired i was in bed some nights by 7:30 - eliminating that pesky bedtime snack.  This is something i'm trying to continue with.  And also, this go 'round - i just don't find myself being that hungry.  Not that i'm off any foods right now - thankfully.  With Chewie i couldn't eat anything with Curry....which made me very sad.  And also B-rad very sad, because that meant we couldn't order from Nutana Cafe and have their Curry Doug Special... delish.  No problems with Curry this time though.  

I don't know, i just don't get hungry.  In my first pregnancy i would be hungry ALL the TIME!  and it was like a switch...fine, fine, fine, fine...STARVING! This pregnancy i have to remind myself to eat some days.  That's an odd, odd thing for me.

i likes me some fud.

Oh, and another thing... Sketchers Shape Ups!  They effin' kick ass!  I wear them every day, at first it was tricky, but now i hardly even notice.  And the result of these amazing shoes??  My ass is tighter that it's ever been.... EVER... Like, i have a little bit of a bum!  not just a flat pancake butt anymore!  and that little roll under my bra, ladies - you know what i'm talking about - it's going away!! It makes me want to throw away every pair of shoes i own and ONLY wear these babies.  

What else? oh, okay - here's something... i have extremely sore...nipples.  OMG TMI!?

GAH! It's awful!  Some days they just ache and ache and i feel like crying, and all i can do is hug my chest and hope that it stops.  That phase can end, ANY TIME NOW!!

Artoo is kicking, a bit here and there.  Still haven't been able to feel it on the outside yet, but i'm pretty sure i saw my stomach move the other night, so now i will have to make B-rad sit next to me with his hand on my belly...waiting.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Almost TWO!

As Chewie gets ever closer to his second birthday (WHHHAAAT!?!? I KNOW!!) i'm discovering this wonderful little personality wrapped in a cuddly little screaming tantrum.  He can be very chatty and once he warms up to you, he'll likely talk your ear off - or pick up a calculator, or remote control, or MP3 player, or monitor and call you on the phone...even if you're standing right there.

"Hi Gamma, Hi!! Hi Gamma! What you doing dere? Okay bye!"  Adore..a..bull...

He likes to sing along to the songs on the radio.  Last night he was singing along to Iron Maiden, even though he didn't know the words he'd just sort of sing the same sound at the end of each line.  One of his faves to sing right now is "Let it Be" by the Beatles... so cute.  if the little turkey would let me film it, i'd post it.  too effin' cute.

Every day there's a new bunch of words, new expressions, he's like a little parrot.  The other day we were in the grocery store and we were walking past the deli, as we were making our way to the produce section, some guy came up to the deli counter and said: "Do you have any more garlic coil?"

Which prompted Chewie to say: "Garlic COIL!  Garlic COIL!!" all through the fruits and vegetables.

He's pretty hilarious, and his most fun game is to play on the "bed!".... 

"MAMA! BED!! COME ON!!"  and so we climb the stairs and he hightails it to our bed and jumps on top and pulls the blanket over his head and giggles like crazy.  then: "Daddy!! come fiiiiiiinnnne US!" and then it's "Mama! Dark!! Come on, Mama!!" and i have to hid under the blanket while daddy makes his way up the stairs to 'fiiiiiiiiinnnne us'. 

He's not the best at hiding, which makes it extra hilarious for us.  He could have 3/4 of his body outside the blanket, but he's where it's DARK!... and of course, the squealing and the giggling as daddy get's close but doesn't quite find us...until...

"FOUND YOU!!!" and then Chewie rolls around and giggles and laughs and pulls daddy down onto the bed and suddenly all three of us are hiding in the dark and Chewie is trying to stiffle his excited laughter...

good times.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Ladies and Gentlemen - I give you: Artoo

Well, there the little pumpkin is, in all his/her glory!  Our newest little peanut, who we've named for Interweb purposes, Artoo.  Artoo and Chewie... you'd think we were big Star Wars fans.

Anyway, currently i'm at about 16 weeks and a few days - give or take.  I don't know why, but with this pregnancy, it feels like it's taking FOREVER!! i remember with Chewie how the time seemed to just fly by.  But not this time.  Four months in and i'm already ready to meet this little squirmy critter.

I am mostly blaming the time lag on Chewie, haha.  On top of being tired/pregnant, chasing after an almost 2 year old doesn't help.

I've been feeling pretty good, apart from the tired thing, although one morning this week i inexplicably threw up in the kitchen sink while Chewie at his shreddies.  Don't know why, don't know where it came from, but i felt just fine afterwards.  Hm.

B-rad and i were able to secure a midwife this go 'round.  And so far i've met with her twice and am so happy that i'm her very capable hands.  Dr. X - the same doc i had with Chewie, is just too busy to give me the care i need.  With Roz (my lovely British midwife) i never feel like i'm inconveniencing her with any questions.  She answers all of them, no matter how silly they may be. I met with her today, actually - and we went over my ultrasound results.  At this last ultrasound i was pretty upset that i couldn't see what was going on.  B-rad said he could see Artoo moving around and stuff, but when it was my turn to see and the technician turned the screen my way, all i got was still images.  I wanted to see the squirming.  i think i will mention something next time.

ANYWHO - One fun thing is a 'spot' on the top of my uterus, which may or may not be a fibroid of some kind.  It could be nothing, OR it could be something.  Too soon to tell, so we have to wait for the next ultrasound.

She says i'm doing really well, all my stats are good, my tests results are good... i'm even losing weight! (in a healthy way!) Yay me!!

I also got to hear the little heart beat today...swish/swish/swish/swish.  Apparently, the swishing sound is actually the pulse in the CORD!  Then, badum badum badum... the HEART!! soooo coool....

As far as birthing, we're going to try for a home birth in water - assuming everything goes well and i make it to 36 weeks.  Only 20 more to go.  B-rad may actually be able to Catch the baby!! that'd be cool. 

There have been a two spotting moments in this pregnancy...but both times have been after...uh...y'know, the sexy times?  So when i spoke to Roz about it today, she had a few ideas.  One could be that both times it would have been generally around the time when i WOULD have gotten my period... another idea is that my cervix may be irritated by the sex, which can cause a bit of spotting, or another possibility could be a low placenta.  In all cases, the moral of the story was the same: It's too early to tell right now, we will know more at your next ultrasound (which is in about 4 weeks)...  in the meantime, we've been advised to lay off the sexy times...  :( 

it MUST be a girl.  giving me stress already, etc. etc.  lol

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

not one of my finer moments

okay, someone needs to tell me how to deal with the temper melt downs, because i have to admit - i'm not handling them well.

and while we're at it, if someone knows a way to make an almost 2 year old refrain from screaming everything at the top of his lungs, that'd be helpful too.

i can feel that my patience is wearing thin and its kind of terrifying. 

Tonight while getting better for bedtime, Chewie was absolutely having a screamfest meltdown.  we were on the floor and i was trying to get his diaper changed ...he reached out for me and pinched my throat with both hands.  I was just at the end of my rope, and what i did...sigh... i was so frustrated i just growled loud and long and terrifying. 

picture that scene from Monsters Inc where Sully is put on the spot to do a Scare Demonstration and little Boo is hiding by the bed and seeing his full monstrosity is terrified and starts crying and runs away.  Well, the look on his face is ingrained in my memory forever... and the way his lip quivered and his cry...

not one of my finer moments.

i spent the next ten minutes holding him and while we both cried, rocking back and forth on the floor... me whispering "Mama loves you, baby.  Mama's sorry.  no pinching, baby, okay? mama loves you.  mama loves you."

Help? anyone? please??

Monday, May 10, 2010

happy mom's day

My mother's day was a quiet one. B-rad and Chewie took me out for breakfast, where we ate as fast as we could, because eating out with an-almost-two-year-old is like eating out with a ticking time bomb... where a meltdown lurks around every corner.

It was tasty and delicious, and when we made it back home - both the kidlet and i helped ourselves to a mid afternoon nap. Heavenly.

It was a quiet morning followed by a quiet afternoon reading story books, going to play in the backyard, more story books... lunch... some putting together of puzzles in the rumpus room, having pizza for supper, more stories, bedtime cuddles and songs... then a phone call from my brother wishing me a Happy Mother's Day - a call to my mother who was not at home, and a call to B-rad's mother where we learned that all the boys and their families were there...and we were not... eep!? which made us feel like first class assholes, but we didn't know everyone was heading out there! :(

After all the phone calls were made, we settled down to enjoy my Mother's Day gift: Coke Slurpees, Oreo Ice Cream Sandwhiches, and Where The Wild Things Are on Blu-Ray. A good day.

Oh, and also?

B-rad and i are expecting our second baby.
He or She will arrive at the end of November.

Happy Belated Mother's Day to all my sister-moms.

Monday, April 12, 2010

words he uses

Chewie is a full on blabber mouth. He doesn't stop talking. Even if its repeating one word over and over and over and over and over again, he's always sayin' something.

What we're struggling with right now is how to get him to stop saying some things.

"GO 'WAAYEE! You Go 'Waayee!!" Yes, our son tells us to go away so many times in the day i couldn't even guess at how many times.

We've tried a few methods to get him to stop this.
We've tried ignoring him
We've tried actually going away (<--leading to cries of "Mama!" "Daddy!" then we return only to have him tell us to go away again)
we've tried time outs (which lead to crying about being in time out, then when time out is over we get a smack and told to go away...again...which leads to another time out...wash rinse repeat)
we've tried gentle conversations about how that's not a very nice thing to say (this worked for about five minutes)
we've tried angry bursts, screaming jumping up and down and pulling our hair out... (sorta - they were mostly out of frustration on a really hard day, but this did nothing to help)

So if anyone has any awesome tricks of the parenting trade, we're willing to try new things as the old things seem not to be working.

Also, a few funny things - we try so hard not to laugh...

yesterday Chewie was in his highchair, after lunch and was saying: "My...cock. My....cock. My...cock." i looked at B-rad, both of us trying not to bust a gut and whispered: "what is he saying?? do you understand what he wants??"

Turns out My...cock means; "my Cloth" as in, "Mama, Daddy, I'm ready to have my hands washed with my cloth so i can get down and go play"

another good one:
B-rad and Chewie were playing drums; Chewie was sitting in a stool playing the Guitar Hero drum kit, and B-rad was on the floor beside him. Chewie would bang on the drums, then with a drumstick point down at Daddy and say: "No...dick. No...dick", which was hysterical, especially when he said: "I assure you, i have one. ask your mom." When really, all Chewie was trying to says: "Daddy, you have no drum stick, as i - clearly - have them both."

And this morning:
"Mama! Dyke. Mama! Dyke" as he pointed at the stairwell wall... i looked to see what he was pointing at and i replied, "Yes, honey. That's the light switch."

from the mouths of babes, eh?

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Stay at Home vs Working Girl (no, not THAT kind of working girl, perv)

OH lordy.

It all started this morning on Facebook when a friend of mine mentioned that he did the cover for the March issue of the prairie dog, and i so i wandered over to check it out and also read the cover article - which touches on feminism and Stay-at-Home parenting...

As a result of the first friend's update another friend of mine stated in her status update that she was a member of the Opt-Out generation, referring to that article:

“There’s been this great anxiety around what the media is calling the Opt-Out Generation,” she explains. “We have all these women who’ve benefitted from feminism or benefitted from the women’s movement, and benefitted from changes in American social institutions and cultural institutions. Benefitted from it in terms of being able to go to school, go to university, be successful, get great jobs. There they are in their mid-30s and they’re lawyers and they’re doctors, and then they try to manage that with family. And a lot of women are choosing family."

Now, i just think it's unfair that if a woman chooses to stay at home, she gets labeled 'opting out'. It just sounds so derogatory... like they're letting the rest of us down. So i said as much to her;

i hate that SAHM's are considered "Opt Out"... it has such a derogatory tone, when i personally think that if you can do it financially, there's nothing better for you and your kids than to stay at home. at least for the beginning stages. Kudos to you, madam
and we had a lovely conversation, as she was just beginning to make the move from all the time at home to beginning a part time job - and how it can be tricky to balance the guilt of wanting some 'me time' and not being with the kids 24/7. So i offered up my experiences leaving Chewie at daycare and how i still feel the guilt, and the mixed emotions, and it's been almost a year! it was nice.

unfortunatley, as is wont to happen on public forums such as facebook - someone had to jump in and hijack the conversation - and it became this all out war of sorts... the SAHM vs the Women Who Chose Careers... it left a bad taste in my mouth.

It felt a little like getting my wrist slapped for being such a bad mother for putting my kid in daycare...

she said, and i quote:
i'm a SAHM and I wouldn't trade it for the world. To think of someone else raising my babies, just make me quiver. I think that if you're gonna have a baby (with a few exceptions) you should be fully prepared to stay home and take care of it. mother or father. having a child is a responsibility, and to many people have their babies and then toss them over to a daycare and then down the line wonder where they went wrong!
So according to this woman, having my child in daycare makes me an irresponsible parent who 'tossed' my kid in some daycare, and because of this he will inevitably have problems in the future... well, to that i say: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW!? actually, i said it a little more eloquently than that... luckily. but this is my blog, so the eff word stays.

it really just steamed my dumpling.

i talked about this a little in my previous post about owning my parenting stylez - WHY do women feel the need to act and or feel superior to other women, especially regarding parenting?? i know that we all have strong feelings about our parenting styles, because we all love our children. But there has to be some allowance that other people's styles are okay too!

My financial situation dictates that in order for us to keep our mortgage paid, our utilities paid, food in our cupboards and, most importantly, our awesome health benefits (mine are better than b-rad's) i need to continue to work. When someone has the sheer audacity to imply that i'm an irresponsible parent because of this fact, is pure and utter bullshit. I do not love Chewie any less than SAHM's love their kids because he is in daycare.

Please don't get me wrong, though. There is nothing i would love more than to be able to spend my days with my little guy, but for right now, i can't. Why this person felt the need to barge in and call me down, i don't know. Maybe she secretly wishes she wasn't a SAHM and is trying to make herself feel better? i'll never know, because she's just some random person who, after i post this, will have no other effect on my life...whatsoever.

What about you guys?? have you run into this problem before?? how did you deal with it. I Can't we all just agree that we're all just doing the best we can? Afterall, i don't remember pushing a "How To" Manual out with the placenta - but then Chewie was early, maybe that happens in the 8/9th month??

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Growing Vocabulary! There will be a test after.

Here are some of the words coming out of Chewie's mouth these days:
  • Melmo (elmo)
  • Meeaw (meow)
  • ewboa (elbow)
  • Moosh (moose)
  • annie bum (auntie pam)
  • dish? (what's this?)
  • poopee (puppy)
  • PEEPEE (Well, that one's pretty self explanatory, i think)
  • Hewwow! (Hello!)
  • Byeebyee (byebye)
  • Nah-Nah (Night Night)
  • GO! (go!)
  • noshe (nose)
  • eyeees (eyes)
  • Kaw Kaw! (bird)
  • Moo! (cow)
  • Payy! (play! <-- generally accompanied by him handing us some type of musical instrument)
  • jooos (juice)
  • da-dun (all done)
  • doh noo! (don't know!)
  • Boosh (boots)
  • kar (guitar)
  • brroom (car)
Every day brings a new word. This age is so fun.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

[image credit]

These are the moments when i feel so utterly privileged to be a mother.
Chewie is at the stage where he likes to hold hands.
So we run all around the house, holding hands.
He wants me to be close enough to him at all times, close enough to reach out and touch.

In those moments I am truly happy.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Owning my parenting style...

So here we are, 18 months into motherhood. What have i learned thus far on my journey into parenthood? Quite a lot, actually.

I've learned that
  • there's a 4 am: Seriously? even when i was a party going bar star* i didn't believe that this 4 am thing existed. *i was never a party going bar star, but i was pretty sure that the world stopped after 2:30
  • you get used to the smell of poop: i'm not saying that you enjoy it, or want to create a perfume out of it, but the urge to gag and the OHMYGODTHATSTINKS isn't as bad as it was pre-children.
  • you hear yourself saying things like: "it's just pee.": what is this puddle? Oh, it's just pee. we're fine..... AS OPPOSED TO WHAT!?
  • Routinely picking my child up from playing and shoving my nose into his bum area is just another day at the office: Hey, is that MY kid that smells? Nope? Okay! Carry on!
  • you just get used to being covered in various bodily fluids. It becomes part of the Mom Uniform - that and sweat pants: I've come to decide that any woman who calls herself a mother of a toddler who actually looks put together and is wearing nice lipstick may quite possibly be a space robot, and their children should be avoided as they will inevitably try to suck your kids brains out. beware.
  • I have a lot more patience than i ever thought possible, and conversely, i have no patience. I will sit with Chewie for HOURS (Read: fifteen minutes - because that's currently the extent of his attention span) and colour, or read the same book over five times, or help him put on daddy's boots - take off daddy's boots - put on daddy's boots - take off daddy's boots, and i am sometimes amazed at how i (sometimes) am able to handle the tantrums. However, put me in a movie theatre next to some stupid teenager, or on the road with moron drivers, or GOD FORBID, in the mall... my patience is very slim - and if i am able to be at any of those places SANS baby, you can bet your sweet ass i don't want to waste it in line while you decide, like, which type of frappaccino you want, like ohmigod, did you see becky at that party?
  • it's okay to let go of the 'ideal mom' and just be the mom i am.
the last one is a biggie.
When i got into this whole parenting game, i had such high hopes and ambitions of doing it all 'right' - giving 110% and being the best mom that Chewie could ever have.

Here's the thing, there are a lot of ways to be a bad mom, but there also isn't only ONE way to be a good one.

There are a few things that i'm proud of with Chewie - that i had a doula, who was fabulous on the birth day, that i was able to deliver Chewie without drugs, that i was eventually able to nurse him and sustain him for almost a whole year, that i was able to make all his baby food, that i learned how to soothe him with infant massage.... to name a few.

Mother's to Be have all these expectations, and Mothers that Are have all this advice and ideals and can be pretty judgy and preachy - and it's a lot of pressure. One, to live up to your own expectations, and two; to try to fit yourself into this *MOM* mold that the world thinks is THE WAY TO BE A GOOD MOM

I've learned that i really have to be gentle with myself and to forgive myself those expectations that i didn't quite meet.

I wanted to be a stay at home mom, but when mat leave ended - we just couldn't afford it... so i went back to work. I felt guilty and still do, when i take him to the sitter's and he cries and tries to block the door so i can't leave. It still breaks my heart. But not being a stay at home mom doesn't make me a bad one.

I may have wanted to put Chewie in cloth diapers - but in the end, i couldn't do it. I know myself and how hard it is to keep up with my OWN laundry, let alone the laundry of the new baby PLUS the cloth diapers. I felt guilty about this for a long time before i was able to just let it go, telling myself that i knew myself better than anyone. Yes, i know the benefits of cloth vs disposable - but i just had to let myself let this one go. The fact that he's wearing disposable diapers does not make me a bad mom.

I tried to avoid the loud and flashy baby toys for the simple reason that they annoy(ed) the piss out of me. I had to let this one go when i saw the way Chewie's eyes lit up and how much he loved playing with his little boom box. Letting him play with loud flashy toys does not make me a bad mom.

I admit to, on more than one occasion, plopping Chewie in front of a Disney movie with a bowl full of Goldfish crackers so i could lay on the couch. This doesn't make me a bad mom, in fact - i would argue that those few minutes of solace on the couch make me a better mom, because i'm less likely to murder him if i can sit down for a few minutes. ;)

There is so much pressure on women to be successful in their jobs, to be independent, to keep a spotless house, to be a great chef who provides nutritional well balanced meals for her family, to be a wonder mom who teaches and plays and clothes and launders and bathes her children, and then to top it all off to have the energy and the desire and the GAMS to be a super sexy LOVE goddess in the boudoir... Does anyone EVER achieve this?

Honestly, i haven't shaved my legs in over 3 months.

There just isn't hours in a day to do it all, unless i start snorting coke.

I know that i have been a promoter and a pusher of the things that i have found valuable in my experience (i.e. natural birth, breastfeeding, etc.) and one friend of mine told me, quite defiantly, that she fully planned on getting the epidural and was planning on formula feeding. I told her that i could never judge her for what works for her, and no one should. She knows herself better than anyone. And i really felt awful that she felt that i would think less of her for that. It showed me i need to rethink the way i phrase some things.

and who's to say that had my son been born on time and not 8 weeks early that i might have caved and asked for the drugs. He was 4lb 11oz when he was born, so yeah - it hurt, but not like a 9lb baby would! And as for breastfeeding, well, that almost didn't happen for me - it took a lot of hard work and a lot of will power and a lot of desire and patience to make that happen.

But in the end, if i had HAD to have a C Section, or use drugs, or formula feed... or use disposable diapers, or sometimes let Chewie sip beer, or use the TV as a babysitter so my mind doesn't fly away - this doesn't mean that i'm a bad mom.

So, i've decided to own my parenting style.

To take the pressure stop trying to fit myself into this mold that...well, doesn't fit.
To share advice, but not judge someone else's parenting style.

YES, sometimes i let Chewie eat CrackDonald's french fries - because they're my vice, and i'm also teaching him how important it is to it would be hypocritical of me not to share with him...

But i love my son. I hold him when he cries, i tickle his toes, i read him books, we colour together, i chase him around the house, we giggle, we laugh, we hug and kiss, and i know that i am being a good mom.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Eighteen Months

Dear Chewie,

Today you are eighteen months old. One and a half years. While every stage with you has been an adventure, i am really enjoying 1 1/2. You are hilarious. You are finding things that amuse you, you have a very clear sense of what you want, and what you don't want, and you are beginning to have the capacity to TELL us what you do or do not want.

There's a new word every day, as you sponge up everything around you. Some of your words are:
may-na (Maynard, your giraffe)
Cinda (the cat)
**added yesterday: WaaEEE, EeeeAaa. (WallE, Eva - guess what we were watching)

and many other words i'm sure you're saying, but i haven't been able to decipher yet.

You cut another tooth Christmas morning, finally. It had been almost six month since your last tooth and i can't believe how easy it was to forget the process of teething... but now we're back in it again, along with constantly red and chapped cheeks.

Right now, everything is a guitar. ESPECIALLY the guitars. You started rocking out a couple of months ago, headbanging and rocking the 'horns' when ever your dad or i put on heavier music... but just recently you started singing the guitar parts... and the song of choice? every single time? "Symphony of Destruction" by Megadeath. So effin' cute. Our little Rock Star.

But it hasn't been all laughs and giggles and squeals and games of "Chase mom and/or dad around the Loveseat". This may be the most trying stage we've been through, because we KNOW you understand us when we ask you to be nice, or gentle, or to not hit or pinch, but you continue to do those types of behaviours when you're acting out or not getting your way. My dad jokes, naturally, that you and I are a lot alike. Hm.

We've started using the 'naughty step' which has had some mixed results, but hey, you're only one. It's a constant struggle to remember that You're ONLY one!! (and a half) but the flip side of that is that we're starting to expect more from you because you ARE one. Not that i'm expecting you to clean your room or vacuum between the cushions just yet...

Your mama had a rough couple of months there, and sometimes your unexpected big sloppy Kiddo kisses are the exact dose of happy that i needed to get through the day. My little angel-boy, you make me so unbelievably happy sometimes. I just can't get enough of you. I try to remember on those nights when you're awake in the night from nightmares (sorry, you got that trait from me) that i won't always be able to snuggle you in the dark, to feel your chest moving with mine... to be the calming soothing touch you need to relax... but i will always ALWAYS want to.

I'll love you for ever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be.

Love mama
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