Wednesday, June 25, 2008


i've been thinking, the last few days, about how much of a change this baby is. i mean, yeah - i've always known there would be changes. But just in the last little while it's really starting to hit home for me.
I'm making a transition.

I am coming into a new phase of my life.

I am birthing myself from Maiden to Mother, and that is an exciting but scary place. And i know that women do this all over the world, every single day, but i've never done it before. Everything about this experience is new, exciting, and frightening. I try not to bore or burden people with what's going on in my life... i think: "Laura, you are not the first person to give birth" and it's true. But i have to keep that in balance with my experiences, because they are mine, they are important, and i don't want to de-value them. it's a fine line to walk.

Everything is changing. I am looking at myself in a new way. I feel like i'm leaving one exclusive club, and joining another. I am going to be a mom. I am going to talk about my kids all the time. I know that, i see that. I feel bad for the moms that i've judged for talking about nothing but their kids, in my ignorance about what being a mother entails. How the mind works and how that child replaces everything else in your brain.

The priorities shift.

The expenses change.

The world itself is filled with possibilities and dangers i never realized were there, all because i'm beginning to view the world through the eyes of a mother.
My feelings towards my own mother are changing in a way i never thought they would. Any doubt i may have ever had - that she never loved me or some other stupid lingering teenage angsty doubt - have completely flown. If what i'm feeling now for this baby that i've never met is any inkling of what she feels on a daily basis... i know beyond any shadow that i'm loved. That's an amazing feeling too.

In Western culture, birth is all about the baby... From the Baby Shower to the actual process of giving birth...And i don't mean in any way that it shouldn't be, but i feel that the birth of the mother is equally important and should be celebrated in the same way. i really don't think that it's asking too much. In some tribes the mother is dressed in the same colours and paints as the Warriors when they emerge from their birthing tent. They are celebrated as Warriors. They are acknowledged for the absolutely amazing feat that they've just accomplished, and their rite of passage is as important as the new life they're now supporting.

There is a lack of Rite of Passage or ritual in our culture, i find. Yes, i know that other moms have babies all over the place, but i want to be acknowledged. I want to be celebrated. I want the whole world to know that my body created life and succesfully brought it to the planet. I don't think that this is being selfish. I think this is a right, as a woman, as a mother.

It's not just the baby's Birth Day, but the Mother's as well.

Am i alone in this?


savia said...

On a somewhat unrelated topic, I thought you might enjoy reading this story about an "illegal" home birth.

Surprised Suburban Wife said...

Great post. I wish I'd been as wise as you in planning for the transformation and shift in how you think of yourself.

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