ah, the life of mothering a newborn.
I live my life in 3 hour blocks.
anything that needs to happen in my world - outside of feeding, burping, and changing diapers - must be done inside one of those 3 hour blocks... and really, 3 hours is being generous. it's actually more like a 2 hour block once i factor in the time it takes to feed, burp, and change him.
Now that B-rad has gone back to work, it kinda feels like i've lost my partner in crime. We had a pretty good system going there for awhile, but now the night time feedings are all up to me. Right now i'm finding my biggest challenge to be staying awake while nursing. The female body has this thing where it releases a relaxing hormone whenever you nurse - which i suppose is the body's way of encouraging you to nurse... and it's nice during the day because those times nursing are, well, relaxing - after the first initial 'latch' where it feels like he might rip my nipple off in his mouth, that is. But at night, those relaxing hormones just make me want to fall asleep, and before i know it, the two of us are zonked out - him in my arms, sleeping with the nipple half in his mouth, milk all over his face; on his forehead, down his neck and soaking his jammies... and me, slack jawed, snoring, and covered in milk as well.
then i lose track of the time, how long was i out for? so, how long has he eaten for? and how long as HE been out for? and did he get enough food at this feeding? do i cut my losses and go to sleep instead of waking him up to try again???
because, inevitably at 2 in the morning, that's when Chewie decides to be awake and alert and looking around. And as much as i hate to miss those times when he's actually awake, mama's gotta get some sleep!!!
And then i'm faced with the choice between getting up after his 7 am feed and staying awake, or sleeping all day... just hop right on board Chewie's eating/sleeping train and never leave my bedroom.
i know, everyone says that i'll get through this sleep deprived state... that EVENTUALLY he WILL sleep through the night... but it seems like another life time. Some vague place in the distant fog of my future. Until then, i guess i'll go back to sleep.